Asskicker Unlimited
by Diana Moon Glampers
Summary: A story about lesbian witches and fistfights! A young witch gets into trouble, fights a lot of people, and finds love. Female/female pairing, has a lot of violence and really bad words. There's sex, but it's not very detailed.
1. To Punish a Wormstiffer

Asskicker Unlimited

By Diana Moon Glampers

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even original characters. Steal whatever you want, I won't give a rat's ass.

Warning: This is an M rated story with a female/female pairing. There are a few scenes where things get a little sexual, so you shouldn't let the kids see them. Also, the action gets tiny bit violent at times, so keep a strong stomach for when things get messy. A few characters also say some very hurtful things on occasion too. Anyway, I worked real hard on this one. I hope you enjoy the story and have a fun time reading it!

Chapter 1

To Punish a Wormstiffer

"All right, asshole! Put 'em up, let's go! No magic, just fists! I'll beat you like a bowl of eggs!"

My rival, Terry stood in front of me with absolutely no clue as to what to do.

"You're a girl, Sarah. I can't fight you."

"What? You're some kind of chivalrous knight or some bullshit? I think you're just a bloody chicken! Cluck! Cluck! You're just scared because I'll kick your ass!" I shouted. My roommate, Alice whispered in my ear.

"Sarah, he's a tough guy. I don't think this is a good idea."

"Shut up. I can beat him up. He's just a bloody pansy."

I turned back to Terry and gave him a wicked smile. He started to back away.

"Come on and fight me, coward. Or are you not man enough to admit you'll lose to a girl?"

I took my shirt off and started growling.

"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm flexing my muscles, can't you see?"

We both knew I didn't have any actual muscles, but in my head, I was strong as an ox! I moved closer to him and got into his face.

"Come on, asshole. You, me, no magic, just our fists. Come on."

"I don't want to fight you." Terry said.

I slugged him in the face.

"Well I do."

I readied myself to punch him again, until he pulled out his magic wand.

"Incarcerous!" He shouted.

Magic ropes poured out of his wand like snakes. I dashed out of the way as they dissipated into nothingness.

"Hey, I said no magic!"

"You are a crazy bitch. I don't want to have to hurt you." Terry said.

I tried to punch him again, until he cast another spell.

"Incarcerous!"

The magic ropes grabbed me by the arms and legs.

I tried to struggle to get away, but the ropes held me in place.

"Alice, get me out of here. I want to kick this guy's ass!"

She started to go toward me, until Terry grabbed her by the hand.

"No. She is crazy. She is an instigator. Don't let her go."

"Alice, if you don't set me free, I'm going to kick your ass when I'm done with Terry!" I threatened.

She flipped me the middle finger.

"Got to hell, Sarah." She walked away.

"Alice! Get back here, you little weenie!"

Terry shook his head.

"You're doing the right thing, Alice. Don't get sucked into this."

Terry turned to me.

"I'll let you go when you calm down."

I tried to spit in his face, but my mouth wasn't strong enough.

"See, you're way too angry. You need to calm down."

"I can calm down when you're crying in a fetal position, you wormstiffer."

He cocked his head.

"Wormstiffer?"

"You're a bloody wormstiffer, you know that? Now let me go and fight me like a real man!"

He shook his head again.

"What the hell does wormstiffer even mean?"

"You know damn well what it means. Now let me go. Unless you don't have any balls." I gave him a wicked smile again.

"I'd bet you're small in the pants. …Men care about what's in their pants, right?" I added. He ignored me.

Terry started to walk away.

"Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?" I said.

"I'm leaving you. You are a crazy bitch. I hope you get expelled."

I tried to struggle, but the ropes were too strong for me.

"Wormstiffer! You're a bloody wormstiffer! I'll beat you one day, Terry Cocksboro! Some day you will pay for being a fucking wormstiffer!"

I stood there, alone in the halls, bound at the arms and legs and unable to move. I was Sarah Salamandrus, a seventh year student at Hogwart's. I was not what you'd call a model student. I got into fights a lot, my grades were terrible, and all the teachers hated me except Professor Quirrell. He didn't mind me, but the others could all go to hell. My parents got letters home all the time whenever I did something wrong. They gave me a lot of shit whenever I got back from a semester, usually for stuff I forgot I even did.

My roommate and best friend was Alice. She was smarter and prettier than me and was also more interested in boys. She's had a few guys over the years and tended to get into a lot of doomed relationships. I think her current boyfriend was some fucker named Zack Swinesworth. He was one of those nerdy types, the kind that's fascinated by muggle shit. I don't know what Alice saw in Zack, but apparently they loved each other, so I had to deal with it.

Boys didn't really interest me, though. I was more into girls. Sadly, it was real hard to find other lesbians in Hogwart's. I don't think I was ever in a relationship before, which was kind of pathetic. I think a couple of guys tried to hit on me a few times, but I never went for that. Guys just don't get my blood pumping. I mean, they're not gross or anything. I just don't see what's so hot about them.

As I stood there, I heard someone walking through the hall.

"Is there an unruly student here?" Shit. It was Snape. Snape was a total hardass and hated my guts. I was probably in for detention or something. I tried to hop away, but it was too late.

"Miss Salamandrus, do I even have to ask what caused this?"

"Uh… I did it to myself?"

He shook his head.

"You are a horrible liar, Miss Salamandrus." He cast a spell to cut me free. I tried to escape, but he grabbed me by the wrist.

"Three days detention." He said.

"What? Three days? This is only worth one." I said.

"Don't argue with me unless you want to make it four." He said.

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You don't think I heard that scuffle you had with Terry Cocksboro? I am far more observant than you think, Miss Salamandrus."

"Why, dare I ask, did you want to fight him?" Snape said.

"How do you know I started it?"

"You're a natural instigator, Miss Salamandrus. I can read you like a book. Now why did you try to fight him?"

"He's a wormstiffer." Snape groaned.

"And what, pray tell, is a wormstiffer?"

"You wouldn't understand." I said.

"So, if I'm hearing this right, you started a fight for reasons that you cannot or will not divulge?" He said.

"Well, when you put it that way you make me sound like a bad person." I said with a smile.

"Don't play cute with me, Salamandrus. It may work on that idiot Quirrell, but it will not work on me."

Snape got out a paper and wrote a note.

"That's one day for a fight, another day for being half naked in the halls, and a third day for being a general menace to the learning environment. I am sure that your classmates will appreciate the points that you just lost them."

I gulped.

"This will be good for you, Salamandrus. Maybe you can spend less time getting into petty fights and more time on actual school work." He walked away. I put my shirt back on and left for my dorm.

I was a Hufflepuff, so the common room was always a pain in the ass to get into. The only way to enter was to do a secret door knock on some barrels to a specific rhythm and if you screw up you get splashed with vinegar. Whoever implemented this security system can go eat shit because I can't count the number of times my rhythm was off and I got vinegar in my eyes. I think I took it up with Sprout a few times, but she said that she likes the vinegar and thinks it's hilarious. I think she's a dumbass.

I walked through the commons room to my dorm. A few students stared at me. Alice probably blabbed to them that I tried to start a fight. I thought about screaming at them, but I needed to save my rage for Alice. She turned her back on me and I was going to yell at her so much she was going to go deaf.

Once I got to my room, I saw Alice, as usual, studying.

"Hey, Sarah." She said.

"Don't 'hey, Sarah' me, you traitor."

"Traitor?" Alice said, turning away from her work.

"You abandoned me back there. Why didn't you help me? I thought you were my friend?"

"Sarah, we go over this every time you start a fight with Terry. I don't want to get sucked into your drama."

"It's not drama. He's a wormstiffer. He needs to be punished." I said.

Alice sighed.

"You still won't tell me what exactly that means."

"Whatever. You wouldn't understand anyway."

I sat down next to her and reached under my bed for a bag of candy.

"You want some? I promise I won't give you the chili pepper flavored beans like I did last time." I said.

Alice smiled.

"Sure. I'll take some." I grabbed a handful of every flavored beans and split it between the two of us.

"Oh, this one's vomit flavored. You can have it." Alice said.

"I'll gladly take all the gross ones. I'm hardcore that way." I said with a smile. Alice passed me about a fourth of her beans.

"Shit, this must have been a bad bag." I said.

"Yeah, it was. Not all of them can be delicious, I guess."

"So, did you get in trouble?" Alice said once we were done.

"I got caught by Snape. Fucking bastard gave me three days detention. I would've gotten off scot-free if it were Quirrell." I said. Alice made a face.

"Why do you like him so much? He sucks."

"His class is easy and he likes me." I said with a smile.

"It's only easy because he skips half of the textbook. It's almost like he wants us to suck at defense against the dark arts." Alice said.

"It's okay to suck at it. It's a bullshit class anyway. I think he's the only cool teacher around here. All the others can go to hell." I said.


	2. My New Best Friend!

Chapter 2

My New Best Friend!

The next day, I went into detention in Snape's classroom. He was looking over some papers and barely even noticed I came in. There was only one other person there, some girl I never talked to. I think her name was Melanie. She was kind of cute, but was a Slytherin, so I never got to see her. I sat down and waited for Snape to finish with his papers. He stood up and gave us some materials.

"Melanie, I want you to make a taste potion." He turned to me and gave me a stern look.

"Miss Salamandrus, you will be writing down everything that she does. There is a small difference between a taste potion and poison and I want to be sure that she gets it right. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Professor Snape." I said.

"Good. I'll be back in a few hours." He left the room and locked the door behind him.

Melanie ground up some leaves and put them into a bowl.

"So, what are you in for?" I said to her.

"Just write down the ingredients." She said.

Who the hell did she think she was, telling me what to do? I listed the ingredients and tried to strike up conversation again.

"Snape's a bloody cocksucker, isn't he? We could be out having fun when…"

She cut me off.

"I added four ground up monkeyshank leaves. Copy that down."

I wrote it down for her.

"So, what's your name, Melanie, right? I'm Sarah, Sarah Salamandrus."

She poured some liquid into the bowl.

"My name is Melanie Four. That's my name. One liter of blithery gland extract. Copy that down." She said. I copied it down.

"So, what kind of stuff do you like? Watch any Quidditch?

She dropped a cube of some powdery stuff into the bowl.

"I like working and getting good grades. One block of glutton powder. Write that down." She said.

"What, so you don't like fun? You just work all day?" I said.

"Write that down." She repeated. I wrote it down.

"You're not a dullard, are you? You have to have something real that you like." I said. She added a slice of butter.

"One slice of hippogriff butter for flavor. Now we let it sit." She said.

"You didn't answer my question." I said.

"Miss Salamandrus…"

I interrupted her.

"Call me Sarah. You're not my bloody superior."

"…Sarah, we are not here for socialization. We are here to make a special potion."

"Bullshit. We're here because we got caught." I said. Melanie put on a smile.

"Maybe you are. I'm here as a privilege."

"What, so you didn't even get in trouble?"

"Professor Snape wanted me to make a potion for him. He's busy today and Professor Sprout is inviting him over for dinner. Professor Sprout is said to have food that tastes like armpit, so Snape wanted a potion that would make her cooking taste more savory."

I snorted and watched the potion bubble.

"Sprout's a fucking tool and Snape's a hardass."

"Now why do you say that? They only want you to learn." Melanie said.

"You're a good student. I'm a bad student. We're in the same place, aren't we? This bloody Hogwart's society is corrupt. Punishment and privilege are the same fucking thing." I said.

"If you don't want to go to school, you can always leave." Melanie said.

I laughed.

"Yeah, but my parents would beat me within an inch of my life if I quit. They want me to be a good little witch and make a name for myself, you know?"

"Isn't that what everyone wants to do?" Melanie said.

"Nah. I want to be a singer. I want to play the piano in a slinky dress and sing about sad shit in a lounge."

"When why don't you do that, then?" She asked.

I laughed again.

"I suck at the piano and I'm a horrible singer. Then again, I suck as magic too, but less so."

Melanie turned back to the potion.

"A significant amount of time has passed. Let's stay on task." She stirred the potion.

"So, you got any friends? I just have a roommate and she's one of those boy crazy types. Always got to be in a relationship, that one." I said.

"I don't have any friends." Melanie said.

"That's not right. No one likes you?" I said.

"I do not need friends. I need good grades and to be a hard worker. That is what I was made to do."

I gave her a look.

"Isn't that a bit antisocial?"

"You're one to talk. Snape said that you were caught fighting with a boy for no good reason. That's pretty antisocial if you ask me. Actually, no, that's not antisocial. That's psychotic." Melanie said.

"He was a bloody wormstiffer. I had to fight him."

Once she was done stirring, Melanie added some more liquid.

"One half liter of porgonberry juice. Copy that down."

I wrote it down.

"Isn't that stuff poisonous? I ate a porgonberry when I was a kid and had the shits for the rest of the day." I said.

"The blithery gland extract with cancel out the poison." She stirred the bowl for a moment and stopped.

"The potion is complete. We are finished."

"So, you really don't have any friends?" I said.

"I don't need any." Melanie said.

"How long have you been going here, Melanie?"

"Two years. This is my final year, however, as I was invited here because of my skill. I am a prodigy, you know." Melanie said.

"Right. You were homeschooled. That explains a lot."

"What does it explain?" She asked.

"Just… Everything. Don't worry about it." I said. She gave me a stern look.

"Sarah Salamandrus, I want to know what the devil you are talking about with what it explains."

I deflected the question.

"I'll be your friend, Melanie. Everybody needs friends, right?"

"No, everybody does not need friends." She said.

"Too bad. You're stuck with me!" I hugged her and smiled.

"Oh man, we're going to have so much fun together. You're my new best friend, Melanie Four!"

She tried to struggle away from me, but I was too strong.

"Get off of me, child of hades!"

"No! Friends stick together!"

Once I was done hugging her, I let go.

"Right. You're my friend whether I like it or not. Why don't you be a useful friend and help me with my herbology." She pulled out her textbook.

"What? Why? I thought we were going to have fun." I said.

"This is fun for me. We will have your kind of fun later. For now, herbology."

"Why herbology?" I said.

"You're a Hufflepuff, correct? You spend extra time with Professor Sprout. You should be able to help me study.

I looked at her papers.

"Wait, this isn't schoolwork." I said.

She smiled.

"I know. It's for something else. Now help me."

Having Melanie as my new best friend was going to be rough, but I could take it. It was probably going to be a lot of work, but I was up for a challenge. I looked at her notes.

"Well, you're bloody lucky. I actually don't suck at herbology. You're looking for some kind of plagueweed, right? What do you need a bloody plagueweed for, killing a rat king?"

"It's… Uh… I can't tell you."

"You're my new best friend, right? You shouldn't keep secrets from me." I said with a smile.

"Uh… Yes. There is a scary pile of rats joined at the tail that has been wandering the grounds. Filch cannot find it, so I hope to take care of the problem myself." Melanie said.

"Should I ask Hagrid about this? He knows his shit when it comes to beasts." I said.

"No! He… I got in trouble with him. He does not like me." Melanie said.

"Oh. Okay. Gotcha."

I looked at her notes again.

"Plagueweed should be found on the edge of the forest, probably in a dark spot close to a well. I think there's a poisoned well somewhere, so you'd have to find that one. Want me to come look for it with you?"

"Sure. That would be most good." Melanie said.

"Nice. What do you say I meet you tomorrow, sometime around six?"

"Why six?" Melanie said.

"I still have two more days of this crap. I'll see you after detention, then?"

"Yes. Good. Thank you, Miss Salamandrus."

"It's Sarah."


	3. Peace In Our Life

Chapter 3

Peace In Our Life

I met Melanie outside after school. She was waiting for me with a basket for the plague weeds.

"Hey, Sarah. Ready to go?"

I gave her a smile.

"Yeah, I was ready an hour ago. That old bastard Snape kept me too damn long."

She led the way through the forest.

"So, this poisoned well… It's on the edge of the forest I heard." Melanie said.

"Last time I was there, yeah." I said. I looked around as we walked.

"How bad does that rat king smell? I know you've seen him before, but I haven't. Never wanted to, really."

"He's… He's very smelly, yes. I'm sure death will only make him smell worse."

As we continued through the forest, I heard a familiar voice. It was my nemesis, Terry Cocksboro!

"Terry…" I growled. I started towards him.

"Wait, Sarah, where are you going?"

"I'm going to fight my rival. He's right here."

"But Sarah, that's how you got detention in the first place." Melanie said.

"So? There aren't any bloody teachers out here. They're not going to catch us." I continued toward Terry and confronted him.

Terry was speaking with Zack, that kid who liked muggle shit, Alice's boyfriend. They were both smoking muggle cigarettes. Zack probably smuggled them in somehow, that weird bastard. I guess they were joking around and having a good time together. I would have none of that.

"Terry! You, me, right here! Rematch, let's go!"

Terry turned to me and dropped his cigarette.

"Aw, what the hell… No, Sarah. I am not going to fight you."

Melanie caught up with me.

"Sarah, this is idiotic. Don't do this." I ignored her.

"Come on, Terry. No magic. Let's go."

He started to go for his wand, but I was too fast.

"Expelliarmus!" It was a nifty little disarming charm that I learned in Quirrell's class. Terry's wand flew out of his hand.

"Well, well, Terry. Looks like it's just you, me, and our fists. We can fight like men or you can run away like the little bitch you are. How about it? You want to show me your balls or are you going to run home to get breast fed by your mommy?" I taunted.

Melanie cut in again.

"Sarah, this is insane! He's stronger than you!"

"What, because he's a man? I can take him! He's just a coward and a wormstiffer!"

"I'm not fighting you, Sarah." Terry said.

"Really? Because I am fighting you, whether you like it or not."

I ran towards Terry and threw the first punch. Melanie was horrified. Zack just had a huge smile on his face.

"Come on, Sarah, kick his ass!" He said.

Terry tried to block my blows.

"Whose side are you on?" He said.

"No one! I'm just bored! I wanna see some action." Zack said.

I let loose a flurry of punches at Terry, until he caught my fist. He countered by punching me straight in the jaw. I fell down, but I was not out.

I got back up and gave Terry a wicked smile.

"Oh, so this is when you stop being a knight, eh? Let yourself hit a girl?"

"I didn't want to do that." Terry said.

"Typical. You're a just a bloody wormstiffer."

"Wormstiffer? What is that?" Melanie said.

"The worst kind of person in the world, Melanie." I turned back to Terry.

"We can stop this now before any of us gets hurt." He said.

"Nope. I'm not stopping until you've been punished, wormstiffer!" I took off my shirt and started growling. Zack cheered.

"Whoo! Take it off, Sarah!"

"Why did you do that?" Melanie asked.

"All heroes are stronger when they fight shirtless. Everybody knows that. Haven't you seen Rambo?" I said.

"You're not a hero, Sarah. You're an antagonizing psycho bitch. You can be a hero though, if you just walk away." Terry said. He was trying to sound calm, but I could smell the fear-piss in his undies. I gave Terry an evil smile.

"Eat shit."

I made a fist and slammed it into Terry's face. He tried to get away, but I was too fast. I followed up by kicking him between the legs, twice.

"Oh yeah! A nice kick to the bollocks! That's what you need, wormstiffer!" I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up.

"Now for my finishing move! Get the ending credits ready!" I said. Before I could do my super awesome finishing move, Terry punched my chest. I let go and was knocked back before he punched me again.

"Oh! Right in the tits!" Zack said.

I tried to counterattack with another slug to the face, until he grabbed me by the head. He slammed my face down against his knee and dropped me. I was down.

Terry turned to Zack.

"What are you doing, man? You defeated her. Take her bra as a trophy."

"No, we're going." Terry said.

"Why? I want to see her naked. Besides, that's what all guys do when they defeat a girl. They take their bra and sniff it." Zack said.

"Save your perversions. We need to go before she gets back up. This one never knows when to quit." Terry said. He grabbed Zack by the hand and dragged him away from me.

I had lost. But I refused to be totally defeated. One day, I was going to kick Terry's ass and punish him for being such a wormstiffer.

Melanie ran to my aid.

"Are you okay?" She said.

I sat up.

"I'm fine. I think. That knee to the face really hurt, though." I said.

Melanie noticed blood coming from my lip.

"You're hurt? Here, let me help. Melanie Healing." She waved her wand and healed my lip. I appreciated what she did, but noticed something off. Wasn't the normal healing spell Episkey? Or maybe I was wrong. I wasn't sure, but whatever it was, it certainly wasn't "Melanie Healing".

I got up and felt refreshed. I also gave her a devious smile.

"So, was it entertaining to you?"

"What? No! It was barbaric?"

"Why? You didn't do shit to stop me. You just sat back and watched. You could have cast a spell to tie me up, make me go to sleep, or even banish me to a fucking time out corner, but nope. You wanted to see me fight, didn't you?"

"No, no. You misunderstand. I did not intervene because… Because…"

"All people love violence. Maybe they won't admit it, but it's fun to watch people get beaten. All people, no matter how peaceful they might seem have a little violence in them."

"You are quite the cynic, Sarah."

I put my shirt back on and continued through the forest. We were quiet for a while until Melanie finally spoke up.

"You're right, Sarah. I was programmed for violence. From the very day I was born, I was destined for violence."

"What? Is this some kind of philosophical bullshit, Melanie? I just said that to tease you. Don't take it personally."

"No. I mean I… Nevermind. Let's just press on." She said.

"Well, we should be getting close to that plagueweed."

We arrived at the poisoned well. It was in a particularly dark part of the forest, a ways away from Hogwart's. I pointed to long, weedy looking purple flowers.

"Oh my. That is a lot of plagueweed. I'll be able to make a lot of poison with that." Melanie said.

"Yeah. Bloody rat king won't know what hit him, eh?" I said with a smile. I got down and helped her gather the poisonous weeds. Once the basket was full, Melanie spoke up.

"Good. It looks like we have enough. Let's head back before it gets dark."

As we continued back, I decided to speak up again.

"So, you like any movies?" I said.

"I don't watch a lot of movies. I guess I just don't have the time for them. You know, wizard work and all that."

"Really? I kind of liked Lifeforce. Ever heard of that one?" I said.

"No. What is it?"

"Oh, there's this space ship going around and they find this frozen vampire girl and she's completely naked! She was so hot. The space vampire goes around and messes shit up before landing on Earth and…"

"She was… hot?"

"Oh. I… I like girls. Does that bother you? I mean, I can keep it to myself if you want." I said.

"No, it does not matter. What matters is that we get these plagueweed back. You'll help me grind it up, right? I'll need this to be a thick paste for what I'm doing."

I gave her a smile.

"You got it, Melanie."

We continued back to Hogwart's. We passed by Hagrid's house on the way. It smelled like he was cooking something.

"Damn, I could go for whatever he's making right now." I said.

"Hagrid hates me, Sarah. We really should not stay here too long."

"Really? He hates you? What did you do?"

She put on an embarrassed face.

"Well… I kind of took one of his animals and did some experiments on it." Melanie said. I got excited.

"Oh, this is sounds good. What kind of experiments?"

"I do not want to talk about it." Melanie said.

"Oh, come on! We're best friends now, right? You can tell me and I can keep it a secret." I said.

"Oh… Well, I guess it wasn't too bad." Melanie paused before continuing.

"He used to have a giant frog. I cut it open to try to dissect it to see what they were like inside. I was going to use a healing spell, but… I guess the spell botched and he ended up like one of those Picasso paintings."

I had to laugh.

"Oh, wow. I'd love to see that."

"If it matters, I was practicing on frogs before and healed them fine, but I wanted a test subject that was a bit larger, you know, to test my skills and all that."

Once we reached Hogwart's, we parted ways.

"It's getting late. Come see me tomorrow so we can make the poison paste together."

"Sure thing, Melanie. I'm always happy to help." I said.

"Good. You're a fun person, by the way. It was great seeing you." She moved in to hug me before we left. It was good that she thought I was fun. A girl like her probably needs more fun in her life. Once we were done hugging, I waved her goodbye and returned back to my dorm.


	4. A Bear's Fortitude

Chapter 4

A Bear's Fortitude

I was sitting in detention. It was my last day there from that one incident I had when Snape caught me. He had me cooped up in his classroom making an inventory list of every bloody potion ingredient he had while he just sat at his desk and read the day's issue of The Prophet. Fucking slavedriver hardass.

"It's five-thirty. Can I go yet?" I whined.

"Not until the job is done." Snape said. He didn't even look up from his bloody newspaper.

"Don't normal detentions end by now?" I said.

"I gave you a job, Miss Salamandrus. You are going to do it."

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to get into a fight. I'll try not to do it again." I said.

"A silver tongue will get you no riches from me. If you want this to go faster, you will stop talking and catalogue my ingredients." Fuck, he was too smart for me. Might as well give up and keep writing down a list of all his shit.

I went through Snape's materials. He had entire closets full of them and none of it was organized. As I went through them, I saw a flask of whiskey. Snape kept a stash? He seemed like the last person I knew who would enjoy fun. I looked over to see if he was watching. The fucker was still reading his newspaper. I secretly stuffed his whiskey under my shirt and into my bra. It looked a little weird, but if he noticed, I could give him shit about staring at my chest. Well, somehow I think he might not even notice because of how absorbed he was in that bloody Daily Prophet. What the hell could be in there that's so bloody interesting?

Once I finished cataloging everything that Snape had, I handed him my log.

"There. I listed everything. Can I go now?" I said.

"Do not let me catch you misbehaving again, Miss Salamandrus. I may not be so merciful if you continue." This was merciful? I had to have spent twelve hours elapsed in his room! That's twelve hours of my life that I'm never getting back. "Merciful" my ass. I left his room and went over toward the Slytherin commons.

The Slytherin area was always creepy. They lived in a dungeon and had dark, windowless rooms. I'm sure some people preferred it, but I could never live there. They even had a silver paddle hanging from the ceiling. Rumor had it that they whacked the first years on the ass as some kind of initiation. I saw Melanie waiting for me by a wall.

"Sarah!" She said, excited to see me. She ran up and hugged me.

"Oh? Where did that come from?"

"Oh, it's just… I've been so bored lately. I was hoping you would come by and maybe spend some time with me." Melanie said.

I turned to the wall.

"So, how do you get in? Do you have to find the magic wind key by rearranging bricks or something?" I said.

"No, it's far simpler. You just have to know the password."

She walked up to the wall and spoke the magic word.

"Foreskin."

The wall opened up.

"That's the password to get in?" I said in disbelief.

"The head of the class gets to pick the password. Unfortunately, our top students can be rather… immature. The previous password was 'bukkake'. Glad most teachers don't know what it means."

I walked through the commons and up to Melanie's dorm room. It was almost as creepy as the actual dungeon we went into. On one side, you had Melanie's half of the room. It had neat and organized materials, papers on what I assumed was just boring school related stuff, and lots of books. The other half of the room belonged to Melanie's roommate, who decorated everything with pink and had photographs of boys in their underwear taped to the walls. She was rather messy and kept her clothes and papers in a pile in the corner. There was also a violin case covered in unicorn stickers. This eccentric roommate was not around. She seemed like an annoying person just judging by how she styled her half of the room.

"So, who do you live with?" I asked.

"I live with a walking distraction that talks all day and masturbates all night. We don't get along." Melanie said. I had to laugh a little.

"It's not funny. She really is obnoxious and I never can get any work done when she's around."

Melanie pulled out her basket of plague weed. It looked like she cut it up a little since I last saw it. She also pulled out two mortars and pestles.

"You're stronger than me, so this should go a lot faster with you helping." She said.

"Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm no stranger to grinding shit up. That's half the herbology class, right there." I said.

As we ground up the plagueweed into a thick paste, Melanie tried to strike up some conversation.

"So, are you into any clubs or extracurricular activities?" She said.

"No. Are you?"

She shook her head.

"I have enough work to do as it is and I never did like working with strangers on a team."

"Yeah, I hear you. Back when I was a second year, I joined the choir. They told me that I couldn't sing worth a shit."

"Are you sure they didn't mean that you needed to practice?"

"No, they just cut me because I was bringing down their quality. You know the speech. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link and all that crap."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't worry. I gave up on that shit a long time ago. My sights aren't on singing anymore."

Once all of the plagueweed had been ground up, Melanie stored it in a jar. The thick green paste looked kind of like guacamole. I knew it was poisonous, but it was also appetizing.

"So, anything else you want to do?" I said.

"Oh? Like what?" Melanie said. I put on a devious smile and reached into my bra.

"Uh… Sarah, why do you have your hand down your shirt?"

"Because I stole something awesome and had nowhere else to put it." I said. I pulled out that flask I lifted from Snape. Melanie smiled.

"This won't taste like your tits, will it?" She joked.

"No. I hope it won't taste like Snape's ass, though." We both laughed.

Melanie pulled two glasses from her cupboard. I poured the whiskey.

"You ever drink before?" I asked.

"No, never."

"I used to steal beer from my dad when I was a kid. I'd do it maybe three times a year. He always caught me, but it was always fun. Then he switched to some kind of American shit and now I don't want to steal it anymore."

"American beer? How bad is it?"

"Oh, that stuff is awful. I tried it once and I was done. I'd sooner drink bleach than stomach that stuff again. And this is coming from someone whose favorite jellybean flavor is vomit."

I poured myself and Melanie some whiskey and drank it. I felt like I was going to choke.

"What's wrong?" Melanie said.

"Bloody hell, I didn't know whiskey was so strong." I said. I took another sip and shook my head.

"Snape has shit taste in drinks."

"Here, let me try." Melanie said. She took my glass and drank all of it. I stared in awe.

"You've never drank before?" I said.

"No, never. It's… not very good. I guess I'll have my glass too." She gulped it down with ease. There was something very strange about Melanie. Normal people can't just chug whiskey like that.

"Shit, Melanie. You've got the fortitude of a bear."

"Really? I thought this was normal."

"No, most people would get sick from drinking like that. Is there something up with you?"

She fell on the floor and started hyperventilating.

"Oh my. I am feeling sick." It looked really fake. I pulled her up.

"Quit pretending. You don't have to act weird. If you can drink, then you can drink. Some people are just born like that." I said.

"Yeah… Born to drink. People are just born to their destinies, right?" There was a hint of sadness in her voice. I thought about pressing the issue further, but decided against it.

Melanie put the top back on the flask.

"Mind if I keep it?"

"Sure. Stuff tastes like piss anyway." I said.

"Oh. I was thinking about just emptying it out and using it as a container. I could always use more storage, you know." She poured the awful tasting whiskey down the sink. Good riddance. That shit tasted nasty.

"So, how about we go back out the forest and lay out that poison?" I said.

"No. Not now. I want to do that alone." Melanie said.

"I don't see why not? The sooner that rat king dies, the better. Those things are bloody disgusting."

"No, I plan to do it myself tonight. I may be able to lure it out with some cheese or something."

"Oh. Well, good luck, then. I hope that rat king dies." I said.

I started to leave.

"Sarah?" Melanie said. I turned to her.

"Yes, Melanie?"

"We had my kind of fun, gathering materials, doing work, and all that. Why don't we have your kind of fun tomorrow?"

I got excited.

"Oh, thank you, Melanie! This is going to be great! Meet me after classes and we'll see what we can do from there."

"Sounds good." Melanie said. I ran in to hug her.

"Oh, Melanie! You're the best friend ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She struggled to break free from my arms. I knew this was annoying her, which only made me smile even more.

"Sarah, please. You're hurting me."

I let go and chuckled.

"Sorry. I guess I'm stronger than I look."

I went back to my dorm and met Alice there.

"Where have you been?" She said. I smiled.

"Hanging out with my new best friend, Melanie."

"Melanie? Was that the girl you were with yesterday in the forest?"

"How did you know I was out in the forest?" Alice made an annoyed face.

"Zack told me all about your fight with Terry. He's got a filthy, degenerate, perverted mind. I'm real upset with him."

I laughed.

"Oh, you mean how he wanted to steal my underwear?" I said.

"Zack should be lusting after my underwear, not yours. He's such a dick."

"Maybe you could show him your underwear, you know, just to get him interested." I said.

"I'm not a slut, Sarah. He's going to have to try harder if he wants to even see my bra strap."

I sat down at my bed and got out some books.

"What, are you doing? Studying? Has the world gone mad?" Alice said.

"No, I just don't want to piss off Snape even more. Maybe if I do good on some homework or something, he'd act like less of a cocksucker."

"I don't think Snape's really that bad. Maybe a little strict, but he's still looking out for us." Alice said.

"Yeah, well to you he's okay. To me, he's a bloody tool. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe I'm wrong." I said. I spent the rest of the night studying.


	5. Ouch

Chapter 5

Ouch

It was a hot day that day. I was in Trelawney's class, divination, my last class for that day. I think we were learning how to tell if we were going to fall down the stairs in the near future or some such nonsense. I didn't really care. My grades with her were shit and most people just signed up for her to find out what their boyfriend or girlfriend would be like in the future. You weren't going to learn that bullshit from her. Her class was all going to be serious stuff, not satisfying the wet dreams of hormonally charged teenagers like me. People need to think more realistic with this kind of stuff.

She was droning on and on about how she predicted how she fell down the stairs a couple of years ago and it came true. I could fall down the stairs by choice! If I made a magic prediction about it, would that make me a prophet? Oh my god, this class was bloody stupid. I just wanted to get a drink of water, cool off, and be somewhere else, anywhere but here.

"…And so, your homework for tonight is to make a prediction involving stairs and walk up and down the moving staircases three times. Write down whether your predictions came true. I want your findings on my desk at the beginning of next class. You are all dismissed."

Trelawney opened the door and let us out. I couldn't wait to leave. As I left, I scribbled some bullshit findings, like how I wasn't going to fall down any stairs and it totally came true. There! Homework done! I didn't have to think about her bullshit anymore.

I met Melanie outside of the castle walls.

"Bloody hell, it's hot today. Wouldn't you agree?" I said.

"It's supposed to be hot?" Melanie said.

"You don't feel that? It's more humid than a marsh made of asses."

"I don't feel it." Melanie said.

"Well, that's okay. How about we go watch a game of Quidditch, hm? It's nice and windy up there. It should be good to cool me off." I said.

"Who is playing?" Melanie asked.

"I think it's Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. You won't mind cheering for my team, will you?"

"Not at all." Melanie said.

"Good. Let's go, then. We'll have some fun, Sarah style!"

I took Melanie up to the Quidditch stadium. The game was already going, but no one had scored any substantial points. I found some good seats and sat down with Melanie. It was nice and cool up in the bleachers, something that I was hoping for because of the weather. I think I saw Dumbledore in one of the special seats. I never saw him, what with how he was a busy man and such. I think the old fart fell asleep in his chair.

I watched a couple of beaters use their sticks to hit the Ravenclaw seeker.

"You know, I never did understand the rules to this game." Melanie said.

"I don't either. I just like it for the violence." I stood up in the bleachers and shouted.

"Yeah, beat that Ravenclaw bastard! Beat him like a bloody bowl of eggs!" Melanie tried to stop me.

"Sarah, you're being loud."

"So? This is a sports event, Melanie. You're encouraged to be loud."

The Hufflepuff team scored some points. Everyone got up and cheered. Melanie did the same.

I sat back down and turned to Melanie.

"I'd take it you haven't been to too many of these?"

"No. Like I said, sports just doesn't interest me much."

As we watched the game, I saw Terry sitting down a few rows up from us. He didn't notice me, so I knew that this was a perfect chance to get him. I started to walk up the bleachers.

"Sarah, where are you going?" Melanie said. I didn't answer her. I had to face my rival once more and show him that I will one day triumph against his wormstiffing ways.

I decided to greet him normally because there were so many people around.

"Hi, Terry." I said. He backed away.

"Oh shit. Are you stalking me?"

"No. I'm just here because I wanted to see a game. You?"

"I'd say the same. So why don't we just go back to what we were doing, enjoy the game, and pretend we never met." Terry said. I could sense fear in his words. I gave him an evil smile, just to toy with him.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"What?"

"Pretty. Beauty is subjective, Terry. I want to know your opinion. Do you think I'm a pretty girl?"

"You look okay. Now go somewhere else." He said.

"Wait now, hold on. You think I look okay? Are we talking about my body or my personality?"

"Both. Now go."

"Hold on. I think you're lying. I don't have a pretty personality. You would know that more than anyone else. Didn't you call me an antagonistic psycho bitch?"

"Quit being one." Terry said.

Terry was beginning to sweat. I wasn't sure if it was because it was a hot day or if it was because I was getting into his head.

"I want to know the truth, Terry. What do you think of me?"

"This is some kind of trap. You're just going to take whatever I say personally as an excuse to start a fight. I don't want to fight you, Sarah." I stepped toward him and let out a laugh.

"You do know me well, don't you?" I took a few more steps toward him.

"What are you doing?" Terry said.

"I'm getting into your personal space. What does it look like I'm doing?" I stood right next to him and put my face right up close to his.

"Come on. Let's kiss." I said.

"I thought you were a lesbian?"

"It isn't a love kiss. It's one that's just there to freak you out. Are you freaked out yet?"

I grabbed his face and gave him a wet and sloppy kiss right on the lips. He instinctively pushed me away. I lost my footing and fell down the bleachers' stairs.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ouch! Fuck! Fuck!" I probably deserved that for trying to start a fight with him. A few people stood up to look at me. Melanie rushed to my aid.

"Oh Sarah, are you okay?" She said.

"Son of a whore, that hurt!" I shouted.

I got back up, turned to Terry and shook my fist.

"You'll pay for this, wormstiffer! Mark my words, I will defeat you one day!"

He ignored me. Melanie cast her spell, Melanie Healing, and I was cured. It still seemed off that she had a different healing spell than usual, but I was more interested in the game. A Ravenclaw beater was in a fight with a Hufflepuff beater and they were really going at it.

"Whoo! This is better than footy and hockey combined!" I shouted.

I turned to Melanie. She seemed to be smiling. Maybe she was just enjoying herself because I was enjoying myself. She didn't look particularly invested in the actual game, but she did cheer when we scored points. The game itself was total bollocks, though. Ravenclaw was down over a hundred points, but then they got the snitch and turned it all around. The rules to this game were fucking stupid, but I didn't care. I just liked watching guys on brooms bloody each other with sticks. That was the reason to watch Quidditch!

After we left the stadium, I saw Terry heading toward the forest, probably to go smoke with Zack or some crap. It looked like no one else was around, so this was my chance to fight him. I took off my shirt and handed it to Melanie.

"Sarah?"

"Hold my shirt. I'm going to show that wormstiffer who's boss."

Melanie started to follow me, until we heard a voice.

"Melanie Four, I need to see you."

I turned around and saw a man. He was kind of tall, taller than most people, and wore a long cloak and glasses.

"I… I need to go. This is important." Melanie said.

"Really? Well… Okay. You know where to find me, right?" I said.

"Right. Locked into a fistfight with Terry Cocksboro."

"See you later, then."

"Later."

I continued on to Terry. I saw him in the forest, smoking muggle cigarettes with Zack, just as I had thought.

"Shit. You are stalking me. E…" He started to cast a spell to make me go away, but I was too fast. I cast a spell of my own.

"Expelliarmus!"

Terry's wand flew out of his hand.

"So, how about it, Terry, you fucking wormstiffer? Let's fight!"

"I'm not fighting you." Terry said.

"No! You have to fight her!" Zack said.

"What is it with you guys? Am I the only one in this whole bloody school who isn't psychotic?"

Terry started to walk away, until I grabbed him by the arm. I waved my finger in his face.

"No, no, no! You're fighting me today, wormstiffer."

"I'm not going to fight you. We've already been over this."

"Really? I'll fight you!" Zack said. He started to take his shirt off. I gave him a disgusted look.

"Zack, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'll fight you! Come on, beat me up! I want to feel some pain! Call me a bad boy and punch my nuts!"

I gave him the middle finger.

"What is up with you guys and shirts?" Terry said.

"Does it matter? Does any of it matter? All that matters is that I'm tough and you're going to be punished for being such a wormstiffer!" I slammed my elbow into his face. The fight was on!

Terry tried to fight back by punching me in the tummy, but I would have none of that. I let go of him and kicked him in the side. He shouted in pain.

"Yes! Take that, you bloody wormstiffer!"

He regained his footing and put up his fists.

"I don't want to have to fight you, Sarah, but you're being a real bitch right now."

"Yes! Let the violence flow through you! Let your animal instincts take over!" I felt so happy that I could cry.

"Fight me with your fists! Fight me with your feet! I don't even care if I win, wormstiffer! Just fight me!"

Terry shook his head.

"Very well, Sarah. If it will satisfy your bloodlust, then I will fight you."

I started the fight with an attack I had wanted to use on Terry for a while. It was where I slid between his legs and grabbed him by the balls. I called it The Super Ultimate Mega Rising Salamander Grip of Extreme Death, or TSUMRSGED for short. I threw a punch, a very fake one, to see if Terry would try to block it. He did, which gave me a perfect opening! I slid between his legs and shouted.

"Tsumrsged!"

"What?" Terry had no idea what I meant, probably because I forgot to explain to him what my attack was. Before he could say anything else, I had him by the balls and was squeezing them.

Terry screamed in pain.

"You bitch! Get off of me, you bitch!"

I laughed.

"Hurts, doesn't it, you fucking wormstiffer?" I let go of him and grabbed him by the legs, performing some kind of suplex. I want to say it was a suplex anyway, except I didn't know exactly what one was. I liked to think it was an advanced wrestling move, even though I just grabbed him by the legs and tripped him. I stood up, victorious.

"I am the winner! Taste defeat, Terry Cocksboro!" I spat in his face and smiled.

"Oh bloody hell, Sarah. That was amazing." Zack said.

I turned to him and scowled.

"I'm not accepting that compliment. You're disgusting and I hate you."

I turned back to Terry, who was getting up.

"Oh? You want some more? Back for round two?" I said with a devious smile.

"No. I'm leaving. You won, fair and square. I'm defeated, so now we can go on with our lives and forget this ever happened." Terry said. I would have none of this.

"No! You must suffer more, wormstiffer!" I tried to throw another punch at him, but he caught it. Was he only pretending to have fallen?

"I told you. I don't want to fight you anymore. Now get away from me." He slugged me in the face. I think I got a bloody nose from it.

"You… Were you holding back?" I said.

"I'm sorry. I hate having to hit girls, but you're always getting up in my face. You needed that."

I stood back up.

"Don't hold back on me, Terry! I want you to fight me like you mean it!"

I rushed in to try to punch him again, but he countered with a body blow to my side. I tried to perform my ultimate move, TSUMRSGED, but he stepped out of the way, like it was nothing. After that, he kicked me in the head. I was out cold. I had lost the fight. One day, Terry… One day you will pay. I will have my vengeance and you will be defeated, you bloody wormstiffer.

When I woke up, I felt something cold touching me. There were also immature sounding giggles and a scent of stale cigarettes. I opened my eyes and saw Zack in front of me. He had his hands underneath my bra and was squeezing my breasts. I growled at him.

"You have ten seconds to get the fuck away from me before I pulverize you, you fucking wanker."

He retracted his hands and gave me a scared look.

"I… I'm sorry. I thought you were still out."

"One."

"I really didn't mean it. Honest. I only did it because you're pretty. I think you're pretty, anyway."

"Two."

"You have your shirt off and I'm a boy! What did you expect me to do?"

"Ten."

"What? Learn to count, you dumb bitch!"

I gave Zack's face a good old knuckle sandwich. He was a total wimp and fell onto the ground, crying before I could give him seconds.

"Please, stop! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I want my mommy!"

I grabbed him by the neck and tried to pick him up. He was too heavy, so I just left him there. Zack actually had some muscle, and probably could have taken me on blindfolded if he weren't such a pussy.

"You're lucky I'm feeling merciful. Otherwise I would have scooped out your eyeballs and shoved them up your asshole. Then, you'd shit them out and put them back into your sockets." I walked away from him, still a bit bitter over my defeat.


	6. Dark Warriors

Chapter 6

Dark Warriors

Melanie was with Sarah, after the Quidditch game. They were for the most part alone, save for Terry and Zack, who were walking off to the woods to go smoke. Sarah took off her shirt and handed it to Melanie.

"Sarah?" Melanie said.

"Hold my shirt. I'm going to show that wormstiffer who's boss." Sarah started to leave for the woods, until a black portal opened up behind them. Melanie knew who this was, her master, Master Darius.

"Melanie Four, I need to see you." Sarah turned around and saw Melanie and her master.

"I… I need to go. This is important." Melanie said.

"Really? Well… Okay. You know where to find me, right?" Sarah said.

"Right. Locked into a fistfight with Terry Cocksboro."

"See you later, then."

"Later."

Once Sarah was gone, Melanie turned to Darrius.

"Who is that buffoon?" He said.

Melanie gave Master Darius an awkward look.

"She's my best friend, Sarah."

"I didn't send you here to make friends. Do you have the poison?"

"Yes, Master." Melanie reached into her purse and pulled out the jar of plagueweed poison. Darius looked pleased.

"You've done well, Melanie Four. The other dark warriors will be appreciative of your hard work."

Master Darius opened up his portal.

"Come with me. You must speak with the other Melanies. Oh, and you're getting your new orders too."

"Yes, Master." He took Melanie through the portal and closed it behind him. They were in his lair, The Master's Den. It was a dark room filled with tubes.

"Take your clothes off. You don't need them now that nobody's watching." Master Darius said.

"You're watching." Melanie said.

"I don't count."

Melanie stripped naked for Master Darius. She had no nipples and no genitals.

"Good girl. Now let's go. The other Melanies are waiting."

Master Darius led Melanie to a room with three other Melanies sitting at a table. They all looked exactly like Melanie Four, right down to being anatomically incorrect.

"Melanie Four, our spy. How has it been going?" Melanie Three said.

"She's done well. I have the poison." Master Darius said. He set the jar on the table. Melanie Three picked it up and examined it.

"Nice. You did a good job, Melanie Four."

"I… I didn't do all… Thank you." She put on an uncomfortable smile.

Melanie One spoke up.

"What if they cure him in time? What will we do then?"

Melanie Two cut in.

"Then we kill him ourselves. Leave subtlety to the wind."

"Hold your horses, Melanie Two. There is still time. We can still take a subtle approach. I don't want any of you to engage him head on if we don't have to. Our target is a powerful wizard, one of the most powerful ever. He has evaded death for so long and now we will have our vengeance." Master Darius said.

"Melanie Three?" Master Darius said.

"What is it, Master?"

"Melanie Four seems to have acquired a friend. I think we have to remind her what our mission objectives are." He turned to Melanie Four and then back to Melanie Three.

"Fetch me my wand."

"Yes, Master."

Melanie Four put on a scared look.

"What are you going to do with me?"

Master Darius stroked Melanie Four's face.

"Something that is going to hurt me far more than it hurts you, my little angel."

Melanie Three returned with Master Darius' wand.

"Good girl. Now go back with the other Melanies and wait for me to be done.

She nodded. Melainies One through Three left the room.

Master Darius pointed his wand at Melanie Four.

"Crucio." She fell down and held her head in pain. She screamed and cried on the floor. She even peed a little.

"Do you feel that, Melanie Four? Two thousand white hot knives boring into your flesh! That is the pain, the unforgivable pain that you receive for jeopardizing our mission!" Master Darius lifted the curse and gave Melanie Four a chance to catch her breath. She was still sobbing.

"Now, you are going to break any and all friendships you have made up until this point. Do you understand?"

"I understand." Melanie Four said.

"Good. It is of utmost importance that Professor Quirrell is killed. If you screw this up, then you have doomed the world. You don't want to go down in history as the little bitch that doomed the world, do you?"

"No, Master."

Melanie Four got back up. She felt horrible from the torture curse and humiliated for not having the willpower to fight it. Master Darius opened the portal.

"You can return now. Get out of here before I torture you again." He said.

"Yes, Master." Melanie Four put her clothes back on and walked back through the portal. Master Darius closed it behind her.


	7. I don't have to understand

Chapter 7

"I don't have to understand."

I walked away from that disgusting sack of shit Zack when I saw Melanie.

"Oh, Melanie. Am I glad to see you." I walked over to her. She noticed how beat up I looked and cast her spell.

"Melanie Healing."

"Aw thanks, but you didn't have to do that. Come here!" I gave her a hug. I thought she was going to try to get away like she usually did, but instead she was limp.

"Is there something wrong?" I said.

"Kind of…"

"Is it that you forgot my shirt? I don't care if you lost it. I've got plenty more." I said. Melanie looked down and noticed that she had in fact lost my shirt somewhere along the line.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot all about that. No, it's something else. It has to do with my father."

"Your father?"

Melanie nodded.

"That man back there, the one with the cloak? He was my father."

"So then, he's Mr. Four?" I said.

"No. He likes to be called Master Darius."

I cocked my head.

"That's a weird. Most fathers just want to be called 'Dad' or maybe 'Daddy'. He some kind of egomaniac?"

I started to suspect that there was something off about Melanie's father. For one thing, he looked nothing like her. When I first saw him, I assumed he was just some adult, probably someone from the staff or ministry of magic who wanted to see her for whatever reason. Aren't parents supposed to sign in or something? And why did he only want to see her briefly? It seemed very peculiar to me, but I decided not to ask questions.

"Sarah?" Melanie said. She looked like she was about to cry.

"What is it, Melanie?"

"I can't hang out with you anymore. My dad doesn't like you and thinks that you're a problem."

"So? Are you going to let that bloke push you around like that? He doesn't live your life! Where's your sense of rebellion?"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry… What he says goes and that's final. I… I love you, Sarah. I really do. You were the first person to truly try to get to know me. I had more fun hanging out with you than any other time in my life, but… I'm not here to have fun. I'm sorry."

Melanie started to walk away. She had only been speaking this "father says" bullshit for less than a minute and I was already sick of it. I grabbed her by the arm and stopped her.

"Now hold on. You're my best friend, Melanie. I can't let you go that easily." I said.

"No. You have to. Please. He'll hurt me."

"Fine, then. I'll hurt him back! I'll give him whatever pain he gave you, but tripled! I'll…"

Melanie gave me a sad look.

"I hate him too, Sarah. I don't love him and he doesn't love me. Except he's my father and what he says goes. That's final. … I'm sorry."

Melanie started to walk away from me. I had to do something, anything to get her to stop. It wasn't right, how alone she was. She didn't have any other friends at all, she never had any fun, and now just when I made her life a little bit better, her dad pushes it all away from her. None of this was right. I grabbed her by the wrist.

"Please, don't go, Melanie. Even though we've only been together for a few days, you mean a lot to me. Really."

She turned to me with tears in her eyes.

"You're evil, Sarah. You're jeopardizing everything. Justice must be served and the target must be destroyed." I had no idea what she meant by that. It was all nonsense to me.

"I don't care if I'm evil. Everyone has some evil in them, no matter who they are. If everyone were good, then the world wouldn't be any fun. You think I'm fun… don't you?"

She recoiled before speaking.

"That's not what I mean, Sarah. You don't understand."

"I don't have to understand. You don't either."

I leaned in close to her.

"But…" Before she could continue, I pressed my lips up against hers.

I felt very nervous about this. I'd never kissed a girl before. I had dreamed of it for years and it felt just as amazing as I thought it would be. I wasn't sure if Melanie felt the same way, but this was my last ditch effort. What if she felt like I was forcing myself onto her? What if she didn't like girls? I really hoped she wouldn't take it that way. It didn't matter. I had already started kissing her and there was no way to stop. If she rejected me after this, it was all over. She was going to leave me. I didn't want that to happen, but it wasn't for me to choose. I couldn't control her thoughts, well… I could if I cast an unforgivable curse, but I was above that. All I could do was influence her by showing her how I really felt.

Once it was done, Melanie smiled through her tears.

"So, this is how it is, huh? We're those kind of friends now?"

"We don't have to be. I mean, if you like boys, then…"

"I wasn't born to like boys. I wasn't born to like girls either, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Oh. You are asexual? Wait… That means…" Melanie cut me off.

"Shut up. You're ruining it."

She embraced me and we kissed again. I heard a voice behind me.

"Whoo! Now take off her top!" It was Zack. We broke our embrace and turned to him. He had one of his hands down his pants and a huge perverted grin on his face.

"Okay, moment's officially ruined." Melanie said. I cracked my knuckles and walked over to Zack.

"Hey, don't beat me up yet! I'm not finished!"

"Like I give a damn…" I slammed my knee into his face and gave him a bloody nose.

"Melanie Healing."

I turned to her.

"Now why did you do that?" I said.

"So I can do it too." She smashed her knee into Zack's nose as well. Zack fell down and cried.

"Bloody Hell, why do I keep getting beat up by girls?" He crawled away in pain. I saw a stain on his pants, but I wasn't sure if it was urine from fear or something far more disgusting.

Once Zack was gone, I turned back to Melanie.

"I don't want anything to come between us. Not your father, not whatever stupid plan involving targets, and not any other shit. You think we can do that?"

"I…" Melanie started to lower her head, but then she moved it up and looked me straight in the eye.

"I know we can. I don't know if we're best friends, girlfriends, or whatever the correct term for this is. I'm not going to let anyone take that away from us, though. I love you, Sarah."

She hugged me.

"I love you too, Melanie."

Once we were done, Melanie looked up at the sky. The sun was setting.

"We've been out for hours. Curfew's going to start soon. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" She said.

"Yeah, tomorrow. I'll meet you in the commons. I know the password." I said with a smile.

"I'll see you later, Sarah."

"Later, Melanie."

We left for our respective houses.

When I got back, I saw Alice in my candy drawer, biting the legs off of one of my chocolate frogs. She put it down and closed my drawer.

"I swear, it's not what it looks like." Alice said.

"What? I don't give a damn about my candy, Alice. Eat all you want." I said.

She gave me a funny look.

"Not caring? Sarah, what's wrong with you? Normally you're so passionate about the most trivial things."

"Well, I'm in love now. Love changes people. You know that, right? I mean, you've been in love several times."

Alice made a face.

"You're not into a first year, are you? I don't think there are any other lesbians in Hogwarts that are your age and dating a first year? That's just icky."

"No, she's my age. I think. She was homeschooled. You know about that Melanie girl that I was hanging out with?"

"Oh. So she's more than just your new best friend now, isn't she?"

Alice smiled again before continuing.

"That's good. I think everyone needs someone. Even monsters like Hitler need love."

"What about You-Know-Who? Do you think he needs someone?" I said.

"Yes." She replied.

I shook my head.

"You're warped, Alice. Here, pass me some vomit beans. I feel like celebrating tonight."

She giggled.

"Sure thing, Sarah."

I snacked on some beans with Alice and talked.

"Okay, fine. Let's stop ignoring the elephant in the room. What happened to your shirt? I know it was a hot day, but not that hot." She said.

I looked down and had forgotten that I was still in only a bra.

"Oh that? I took it off before getting into a fight with Terry Cocksboro. I guess I lost it." I chuckled.

Alice shook her head and smiled.

"You really need to stop doing that. You don't look tough when you fight shirtless, just ridiculous."

"I don't look silly. I look like Rambo! Or maybe girl Rambo. Actually, no, I'm British teenage witch Rambo who fights with her fists instead of guns. There. That's what I look like."

"No you don't." Alice laughed.

"Well, it doesn't matter. It makes me look badass and that's what counts." I said.

Alice laughed again.

"You're so delusional, Sarah."

"I'm not delusional! …Am I?"

Alice didn't answer. Instead, she just pulled out her chocolate frog that she started to eat and finished it. She looked at the card inside.

"Bollocks. Pure bollocks." She showed it to me. There was a tiny mirror instead of a magic spell that made a picture. The card read,

"The future awesomest wizard of them all!"

"Is 'awesomest' even a word?" I said.

Alice picked up a handful of beans and passed me the vomit flavored ones.

"So, are you going to take Melanie to the dance?" She said.

"What dance?"

"Haven't you heard? The spring dance is coming up in a few weeks. I'm going to bring it up with Zack soon. Maybe I'll wear that fancy ballroom dress I have from when my mom went here."

She opened up her closet to show me. Alice's dress that her mom passed down to her looked terrible. It was too big for her, mostly because her mom was either fat, pregnant, or both on her last year. Alice wore it last year and kept tripping over herself and ended up a total klutz on the dance floor. I gave her shit about it last year and she got pissed at me, so I just smiled and lied to her.

"Looks good. You'll be the queen of the moonwalk."


	8. Rainbows After the Storm

Chapter 8

Rainbows After the Storm

I was in Divination class again, listening to another one of Trelawney's boring lectures on stairs. She was just finishing up.

"… That's enough for today. I'll see you all tomorrow."

I started to leave, until she stopped me.

"Miss Salamandrus, I want a word with you after class." I turned to her.

"Sit down next to my desk. I want to speak with you." She said. I sat down.

"Am I in trouble?" I said.

"No, not at all. I actually wanted to speak to you about something called empirical evidence." Bloody hell, that sounded boring. I guess I could sit through it, though.

"Miss Salamandrus, empirical evidence is where you know something happened because you saw it with your own two eyes. That, or you could experience it with your other senses, such as taste, touch, and hearing."

"Okay." I said.

"Now, you know I'm a Quidditch fan, correct? I just love watching a good seeker grab that beautiful golden snitch."

"I'm a bit more partial to the beaters. They're where all the action's at." I said with a smile.

Professor Trelawney pulled out a folder full of papers.

"Now, I usually pay attention to the action, but I did see you yesterday in the bleachers. You had a pretty nasty fall, didn't you?" She said.

"I did, yes. I'm fine now, though."

"Well, that's good. You do remember that fall, don't you? Do you remember how it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what it looked like?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember the string of obscenities that poured from your lips?"

"I'm so sorry you had to hear that." I said.

"Oh no, it's fine. If you want to have the mouth of a sailor, then that's your business. Just don't be surprised when no one wants to kiss it."

Professor Trelawney pulled a sheet of paper out from the folder. It was my homework.

"Right, so you do remember falling down the stairs, yes?"

"I do."

She gave me a devious smile.

"Well, your paper says otherwise."

I saw negative marks all over it.

"Okay, Professor. You got me. I half-assed it. You can fail me."

"Oh no, I wouldn't do that to you, Miss Salamandrus. I believe in you. You're a smart young woman who is full of possibilities. You just need to be pushed a little to realize your full potential, that's all. I'm not taking points off of your house score. Instead, I want you to take a mandatory remedial lecture with me until further notice. Once your grades in divination go up, I'll let you go."

Fuck. That's more after hours bullshit I had to do.

"You are dismissed, Miss Salamandrus. Have a good day."

"You too, Professor Trelawney."

I walked down to the Slytherin dungeon and even remembered to say the immature password.

"Foreskin."

I walked up to Melanie's room and heard some loud arguing.

"I am trying to study!"

"Well I am trying to play the fucking violin! I have to practice or else!"

"Or else what? You'll cry all night and wank yourself to sleep again?"

I heard stomping.

"Don't go! I'm not done tearing you a new arsehole!"

Melanie opened the door and slammed it shut. She smiled when she saw me.

"Oh, hi Sarah. I was just leaving."

I heard her roommate behind the door.

"Get back here! I'll bash you with my fiddle! Come on!"

I smiled.

"I'll fight her."

"No. She wants to fight. Let's torture her by not giving it to her."

"Oh. Okay. I guess I can save myself for someone who really deserves it, like that wormstiffer Terry Cockboro."

"What exactly did he do to incur your wrath, anyway?" Melanie said.

"Nothing. He's just a wormstiffer." I said.

Melanie laughed.

"You would make a very unjust god."

"Well, I'm not a god, so you can rest easy."

We walked through the Slytherin commons.

"Trelawney's being a huge bitch. She says that I have to take some remedial classes after school because I fell down the stairs. I won't be able to see you as much for a few weeks." I said.

Melanie gave me a confused look.

"Because you fell down the stairs?"

"It's a long story. The point is that I won't be able to hang out with you as much for a few weeks."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wouldn't worry, though. Just because we can't spend as much time together doesn't me we can't still be friends, or uh… whatever it is that girls who kiss each other are called."

We left the commons and looked for a good place to hang out.

"So, what do you want to do today? I was thinking about seeing Professor Quirrell. He's a fun guy and I figure he could teach us some interesting things."

I groaned.

"I just got out of classes, Melanie. I don't want to go back into them."

"But I thought we could take turns? You know, we had some of my fun and we had some of your fun. It's my turn again and I want to see Quirrell."

I groaned again.

"Well, okay. I guess if I'm with you, I can stomach it."

We walked up to Quirrell's office. His door was open. He was lying down on the floor with a plate of spilled pudding next to him. Melanie was shocked to see him.

"Professor Quirrell, are you okay?" She tried to help him up. His turban nearly fell off, but he held it on.

"Call Saint Mungo's. I need help. Please. Get Saint Mungo's. Now."

I ran across the hall to look for someone. The first Professor I found was Snape, who was walking away.

"Professor Snape! Professor Snape!" I shouted. He turned around.

"Miss Salamandrus, what is it that is so urgent that it must delay my tea?"

"Professor Snape, Professor Quirrell is sick! He needs help!"

He realized the danger of the situation and ran toward Quirrell's office.

Snape arrived at the scene and saw Quirrell vomiting all over his desk. Snape turned to Melanie.

"What are you doing just standing around? Hold him while he heaves!"

"Oh. Yes, Professor." She held Quirrell and spoke to him.

"It's going to be okay. We're getting help."

"I… I don't need help. I need… need… need… I don't want to die!" He puked again. It splattered all over his office walls. I was very lucky that I wasn't hit.

"You aren't going to die. Breath in." Melanie said.

"I… I can do this. I can do this! I…"

Quirrell vomited all over her. Melanie started to cry.

Once some doctors from Saint Mungos came in and took him away, Snape turned to us.

"You two girls were good to trust me with this. Professor Quirrell has been a figure of interest for me for quite some time. It would be a shame for one of my colleagues to suddenly die."

"He's my favorite professor. I think he…"

Snape cut in.

"I would quit while you're ahead, Miss Salamandrus."

I just remembered that I was talking to Snape.

"I'm sorry. No offense. Seriously."

Snape only frowned.

"Right. I have a lot of work to do, especially after such an unforeseen turn of events. For your bravery, I'll see to it that your houses are awarded one point each."

"One point? We saved his life! We deserve more than that!" I said.

"When Professor Quirrell is better, he will award you more points based on how much he values his life. From me, you can take what you can get. One point each." He walked away. What a hardass.

Once Snape was gone, I turned to Melanie.

"Well, I've had quite enough of that." I said.

"Me too. I'm sorry this happened. I didn't mean to get us swept up in an emergency." Melanie said.

"It's okay. Maybe later, some other time, right?"

"Yeah. I really need to go back and take a shower, lest I want to smell like vomit for the rest of the day." She started to walk back to her dorm, until I stopped her.

"Melanie?"

"What is it, Sarah?"

"There's this dance coming up. I know this is going to sound cheesy and stupid, but I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me."

"Oh. Well, I've never been to a dance before. I don't know how to dance." She said.

"You don't have to dance. Dances aren't really about dancing. They're about chatting with your friends, gawking at people's lame outfits, eating free food, sneaking booze into the punch bowl, and then maybe, just maybe, having a romantic time."

Melanie smiled.

"So yeah, dances are about everything except dancing." She said.

"You'll do fine if you go. How about it?"

"Sure. I don't know if I have any fancy clothes, though."

"You don't need fancy clothes. Last dance I went to, I just wore my uniform. Besides, you don't want to be a show off."


	9. Leave the Past Behind

Chapter 9

Leave the Past Behind

A few weeks had passed. I hadn't seen as much of Melanie as I had hoped. In the little time I had with her, we mostly just worked on her school projects together, watched Quidditch games, and I occasionally got into fights with Terry Cocksboro. I always lost, but I didn't care. Just fighting him was so fun that it never mattered if I won or lost.

Professor Quirrell was in the hospital for a while. He had been poisoned at some point, possibly from something he ate. Was the pudding really that bad that day? I wasn't sure, but that was the cause of illness. Eventually he became healthy again and returned to Hogwart's. That was nice. His substitute was a real hardass and made us work a lot. I really missed Quirrell while he was away.

Melanie and I never got any word on her father. He probably just forgot about us and went back to his self-absorbed ways. I was glad he didn't come up again. He seemed like such a prick. Melanie doesn't need a dad that doesn't love her anyway. She needs someone who really cares about her, someone like me.

Spring break was coming up. After the big dance, I was going to go back to my house and spend my spring break with my family. Melanie said that she could go too. Somehow, I think her dad just didn't give a damn about her as long as she was still attending classes. She told me that he got real pissed over Quirrell for some reason or another. Maybe they were close friends? I don't know, but powerful wizards do tend to stick together.

I was in my final remedial class with Trelawney. She was going on about some bullshit about fortune telling. I think it was called bibliomancy, where you flip open a book to a random page and use that as hints toward your future. What a crock of shit. I tried it out once with a book on geology. My page described lead. What the hell does that say about anything? Divination was a bullshit class and Trelawney was a bullshit teacher.

"…Well, it looks like we're done. You may all go now. Enjoy your spring break, everyone."

I was ready to kick back and go home, except there was that huge dance I was going to go to. I agreed with Melanie to meet her with Alice and Zack outside the dancehall slightly before it started. I was going to go take a shower, maybe freshen up a bit, and put on my normal clothes, the ones that I wore when I was at home. I wasn't about to go to the dance in a uniform twice in a row!

After I was done, I met Melanie outside of the dance hall. Like me, she was out of her uniform and in what appeared to be her normal clothes.

"So, where's Alice and Zack?" I asked.

"They said they'd be here by now." Melanie said.

"Maybe it's for the better. Zack's a bastard and he'll probably do something stupid tonight."

Melanie gave me a smile.

Like what?"

"I don't know. Maybe get smashed on spiked punch? Or maybe start a fire when he tries to smoke. Actually, my money's on fire."

Alice arrived next. She was wearing that horrible ballroom dress that was too big for her. She was in high spirits that night.

"Hey, you two! Tonight is going to be so much fun!"

"Alice?" Melanie said.

"What is it, Melanie?"

"You do know that's too big for you, right? I don't want you to fall."

She snapped at Melanie.

"Yeah? Well, I think you're a nerd."

She covered her mouth once she realized what she had said.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I did not say that, Melanie. You're a nice girl. I did not mean any of that, not one word."

Melanie laughed.

"It's okay, Alice. We all know you're on edge."

"Oh. Thanks. I mean, I've been looking forward to this night for months, even weeks now. I don't want it to be ruined by anything."

We waited for that bastard Zack to get there. The doors opened and people started walking in.

"Let's just go. We can party without him." I said.

"No! He's my date. We can't go to the dance without my date." Alice said.

"He's a moron and a pervert and…"

My words were interrupted. I heard a voice from across the hall.

"It's Zack time!"

I looked over and I saw Zack. He was wearing a lot of horrible neon colored spandex. I could see the outline of his balls, it was so tight. He ran over to us with a big stupid grin on his face.

"What do you think? Cool, right? This is how sexy people dress."

"You look like a retard." I said.

"Hey! That's hurtful!" Zack said.

Alice cut in.

"No, Zack. Sarah's right. You look like an assclown. Get that shit off and wear something respectable."

Zack stomped his feet.

"No! I am sexy, damnit! I am a sexy man beast and I can wear sexy clothes like this!"

I entered the dancehall and the first song started playing. It was a popular dance song, but I liked it. It was funky and made me get up and move.

"Sarah, is that dancing?"

"Yeah! It's fun! How about it, Melanie?"

"You look like a chicken having a stroke."

I stopped and thought about what I was doing. It was like an angry and violent chicken dance.

"You don't have to dance good to enjoy yourself." I said.

I took Melanie over to the punch bowl and poured ourselves some cups. I tasted it and smiled.

"Oh. Someone did spike it already!"

Melanie took a sip too.

"I don't feel it."

That's right, I forgot. Alcohol doesn't seem to affect her.

"Well, I guess I'll enjoy this more than you. That's okay. I dance better when I'm shitfaced."

"Are you sure? Consuming alcohol actually reduces one's coordination." Melanie said.

I chugged down the rest of my punch and took another.

"No, you got it wrong! When you dance like you're having a seizure normally, it means you're beautiful when you're sloshed. If you dance like a pro, that's when you'll suck when you've had too much to drink."

I drank my punch cup in a matter of seconds.

"Damn. This stuff is weak. What did they spike it with, white wine?"

I started to go back to the dancefloor, until I heard Alice. She was shouting at Zack, who was bouncing up and down while playing air guitar. You could see his nuts jiggling in that tight spandex. I had to laugh. There was a crowd of us staring at him. I think a few students took pictures.

"Zack, stop! You are embarrassing me!"

Zack turned to Alice.

"Not now, love. My song's playing!"

He got down on one knee and did some kind of crazy air guitar move. I'm sure it would have been cool, had he actually been playing a real guitar.

I turned to Melanie. She was smiling.

"He's got cute bollocks." She said.

"I know, doesn't he? They're so cute and small how they dance like that."

I heard Alice screaming.

"Zack, you assclown! We're leaving!"

"I'm not leaving. I'm not done being sexy."

She slapped him in the face.

"We're through, then. Goodbye Zack, and fuck you."

She started to leave. Zack realized that he had made a mistake and went after her.

"Wait Alice, I can explain!"

She made a fist at him, like she was about to fight.

"Piss off!"

She ran outside. Zack followed her.

"Did… Did they just break up? Over Zack being an embarrassment?" Melanie said.

I shrugged.

"She's broke up with people over stupider shit. I think one time it was because he sneezed on her."

"Really? She'd let something as trivial as that get between her and her boyfriend?" Melanie said.

"She's a fucking weirdo, but then again, she thinks I'm pretty weird herself, so I'm not one to talk, now am I?" I walked over the punch bowl and drank another cup.

A slow song came on. I took Melanie by the hand.

"So, how about one last dance before I'm absolutely plastered?" I said.

"I'm not sure." Melanie said. I took her by the shoulders.

"Aw, slow dancing is easy. You just put your hands on my ribs and try to stay in step. Even a monkey could do it."

She put her hands on my body and we began. I tried to move slow to make it easy on Melanie, but she kept stepping on my feet. I also occasionally stumbled a little. I didn't want to admit it, but that spiked punch was getting to me.

We were near the end of the song when Melanie spoke up.

"Sarah, this sucks."

"What? No, this is romantic." I said.

"No, I mean, I'm stepping on your feet, you're too drunk to notice, and we move like a schizophrenic troll."

I laughed.

"That's part of the fun, Melanie. Here, the song's almost over. We can stop then."

Melanie nodded. She stepped on my toe and giggled.

"Sorry." I wasn't sure if that was a joke or if she really was that bad. Either way, we weren't beautiful dancers.

Once the song was over, I took some more punch.

"Right. One more for the road. After that, let's go to the forest."

"Why the forest?" Melanie said.

"Because the water closet is probably infested with idiots like me who had too much to drink. Well, that and Moaning Mertyle. She's probably laughing her ass off at how many idiots she gets to see today."

I took Melanie toward the forest and saw Zack. He was curled up in a ball and crying like a toddler who lost a toy. His spandex was off and set aside next to him. I think he might have been naked. I whispered to Melanie.

"Ignore him."

He noticed us and shouted.

"Sarah! Sarah, you're my friend. Come help me!"

Melanie started to turn to him, but I stopped her.

"Don't make eye contact. If you try to speak with him, you'll only make it worse." I said.

"That… Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Zack cried out again

"Don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone! I… I need you, Sarah! Melanie, please! Either of you! I am so fucking pathetic!"

I whispered to Melanie again.

"Just ignore him."

"Isn't that a bit cold?" She whispered back.

"No. Just trust me. Talking to him will only make it worse."

Once we were away from Zack, I found a nice spot under the tree and bent over. Melanie started to turn away.

"Hey now, you can watch. I don't mind. I never was the modest type." I said.

"Are you sure?" Melanie said.

I pulled my panties down from under my skirt.

"It's not a big deal if you get a glimpse of my fanny. I won't care."

I pissed on the tree. It was pretty strong too. Maybe I had more to drink than I realized.

I pulled my panties back up and had to lie down. Melanie sat down next to me.

"So, how about your parents? They know I'm coming too, right?"

"Yeah. They'll probably like you. You're smart, hardworking, and don't go around looking for fights. You're like the daughter they wish I was."

"Oh, don't say that, Sarah." Melanie said. She climbed on top of me.

"Hey, I thought we'd do something special as our last day before spring break." She said.

"What is it?"

She gave me a sly smile.

"I was going to save this for the dance floor, but I guess that kind of fell through."

Melanie leaned down from on top of me and kissed me. She gave me a long, slow, beautiful kiss. I think this was the first time she had kissed me since the day I met her father. She punctuated it by many smaller kisses before stopping.

"What do you think? Was I good? I practiced on my hand for weeks."

I laughed.

"What?"

"You don't do that?" Melanie said.

I smiled.

"You're funny, Melanie."

I leaned forward to kiss her again. I think we made out for a good hour. I wasn't sure how much time had passed while it happened.

"Well, I have to go pack my bags." I said, getting up.

"You haven't packed your bags yet?" Melanie said.

"I haven't had a lot of time."

She laughed.

"Even I packed my bags."

"Well, it's okay. I didn't want to stay out late because we're leaving early." We left for our room for the night.

"See you tomorrow, Sarah."

"Later, Melanie."


	10. Springtime Fantasy

Chapter 10

Springtime Fantasy

It was morning. Melanie and I got off of The Knight Bus and arrived at my home. It was in a small neighborhood in a tiny village. It was one of those boring communities where absolutely nothing happened. Melanie seemed excited, though. I led her through the door and announced my entrance.

"Mom! Dad! I'm fucking home!"

Mom ran downstairs to see me.

"Sarah, what did I tell you about watching your fucking language?"

I laughed at her.

"Mom, it was a joke." I leaned in to hug her. She turned to Melanie.

"So, I take it you're Sarah's girlfriend, Melanie?"

"Yes, Mrs. Salamandrus. I am Melanie." She sounded nervous.

Mom pulled out her magic wand and levitated some chairs.

"Well, sit down. Tell me all about what you two have been up to." She turned to me and scowled.

"…Because a certain someone never writes home."

I smiled.

"Okay, so I was in the halls one day, about to fight that wormstiffer Terry Cocksboro and…"

"Did you show him who's boss?" It was Dad. He walked in with a bottle of American beer in his hands. Mom turned to him.

"Don't encourage her!"

Dad ignored Mom.

"You gave him the old one-two, eh?"

"I kicked his ass so hard I turned his asshole inside out."

Melanie cut in.

"That's not what happened. You lost."

I turned to her.

"What are you talking about, Melanie? I always win."

She shook her head.

"I don't think I've ever seen you win a single fight."

I felt embarrassed.

"Oh, Sarah. If you're going to start trouble and fight people, at least win." Dad said.

Mom elbowed him in the ribs. He spilled a little bit of his beer.

"Hey now, I have a beverage here."

Mom turned to Melanie and smiled.

"So, how about you? I don't know much about you. What do you do?"

"I study a lot. I love working hard and doing things according to plan."

Mom smiled an approving smile. I had to break it.

"She also likes unruly Quidditch games."

"What?" Melanie said.

Dad laughed.

"Cheers! I love a good Quidditch riot myself!" He offered Melanie a sip from his disgusting American beer, but Mom batted his hand away.

"Hey, I was going to offer her a drink." He said.

"You're being a bad fucking influence, Mike." Mom said to Dad.

"Really? A bit of beer never hurt anyone."

"You do nothing but enable this kind of behavior! If you keep it up, she'll come home from the last semester up shit creek and then she'll never move out!"

"I think you're overreacting."

"I think you're a round headed shitball."

They started trading insults. I led Melanie upstairs.

"Do they fight a lot?" She asked.

I laughed.

"That's not fighting. It's not fighting until one of them gets out their wand and they start trying to pulverize the other. But if it's just words or fists, then they still love each other and will be over it in an hour."

Melanie made a face.

"Well, I guess I know where you got all that violence from… And your mouth." We both laughed.

I showed Melanie to my room. There was a cot set up next to my bed for her. I set down my suitcase in a corner.

"Well, here it is. This is where you'll be staying."

Melanie looked around at my room.

"It's a lot cleaner than I imagined."

"That's because I haven't been living in it for a while."

Melanie also noticed a few posters I had of women in their underwear on my walls. She started to stare.

"Oh, uh… Those were from before I met you." I said. I started to take them down.

"You don't have to get rid of them." Melanie said.

"Nope. Not into them anymore." I said.

Mom walked upstairs.

"Sarah, Melanie, lunch is ready. Have a seat on the couch and I'll bring it to you."

"The couch?" Melanie said.

"We watch TV while we eat. It's been a family tradition." I said.

"For how long?" Melanie asked.

"About a year ago when Dad won it in a contest." I led Melanie downstairs to the living room.

Melanie saw our television. It was a big screen TV, the kind that normally cost thousands of pounds. She stared in awe of the size.

"Is it safe?" She asked.

"Of course it ain't safe. Blasted thing could fall down and crush you if you touch it wrong. That's why you don't touch it. Ever." Dad said.

I laughed.

"It won't crush you, Melanie. Dad's just being overprotective."

We sat down on the floor in front of the TV so that Mom could have the other side of the couch. Mom came in with some plates full of food.

"Hey now, I said you two could have the couch." We were completely engaged in the big screen TV. Dad was watching a video of some muggle movie, James Bond, I think.

James Bond was looking at a sexy woman's back. She had a tattoo.

"What is that?" James Bond said.

"That's my little octopussy." The woman replied.

"This isn't a dirty film, is it?" Melanie said as she ate.

Dad snorted.

"I wish."

Mom gave him another elbow in the ribs. He elbowed her back.

"Are we going to come to blows? Right on the first day they're back?" Dad said.

Mom gave him a sinister smile.

"I hope so. I do love a good brawl."

As the movie continued, I saw Melanie staring off instead of watching the TV.

"Is something wrong Melanie?" I said.

"Nothing." She said.

"Are you sure? I mean…"

She whispered in my ear.

"Your TV is bigger than your bookcase."

I turned around and yes, indeed. My TV was larger than my bookcase. I wondered what kind of implications this said about the intellectual quality about my family. Ah, fuck that. That's thinking like a bloody tool.

After we were done, I went into the kitchen to wash dishes. That was my main chore around the house when I was over. Melanie followed to help me. I think we knocked it out faster than I ever could do it alone. Mom marveled at how hard Melanie worked.

"Melanie, you're a good dishwasher. Better than Sarah, anyway."

"Mom!"

She laughed.

"Well it's true."

Melanie smiled.

"Thanks, Mrs. Salamandrus."

I think we spent the rest of the day watching TV. I didn't mind. Melanie didn't mind either. It was nice to be able to relax after all that bullshit work we did at school. Melanie and I stayed up pretty late in front of that shining screen.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, something happened. A portal opened up in my room. I woke up and saw him, Melanie's father, Master Darius.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in?" I said.

"Don't mind me. I'm here for my daughter."

I pulled out my wand and had to think quick. Before I could cast anything, Darius cast a spell on me.

"Raptum Mentis."

His spell was strong. I felt a horrible pain in my skull. I started to hear voices in my head. It was a wailing, a wailing so powerful, so loud, and so discordant, that I had to scream with it. I could no longer think. The outside world was black to me. All that I could see was the inside of my mind. It was dark, dark like a dungeon. That's where I was in my mind, a dungeon.

I slammed my fist against a door that was only in my mind.

"Let me out! Let me out, you cocksucker! I need to save Melanie!"

To my surprise, the door opened. I saw someone familiar on the other side. It was me, but different. She smiled and waved.

"Hello, my name is Sarah Salamandrus."

"What kind of shit is this? I'm Sarah Salamandrus!" I said.

The other me gave me a devious smile.

"Really? Where's your proof?"

"Fuck you! That's my proof!"

I tried to throw a punch at her, but she jumped out of the way.

"Oh, those are fighting words! That's good though, because I love a good fight!" Fake Me said.

"Really? Me too, bitch. Let's dance!"

I threw a punch at the fake me and followed up with a kick to her side. She countered by grabbing me by the neck and squeezing.

"Take that, imposter! I'll squeeze every drop of life from your bloody corpse!" Fake Me said.

I shoved my knee into her tummy and she broke her hold. I followed up by grabbing her head dropping her down straight into my foot. She fell down and groaned in pain.

I turned to Fake Me and laughed.

"You're such a pussy."

She got up and gave me an evil smile, the same kind that I gave Terry when I got ready to kick his ass.

"Really? I've just started."

She took off her shirt. I had to laugh.

"Oh my god, you look ridiculous! You're not strong! You don't have any muscles! Why do you even bother?" I said to Fake me.

The flesh on her stomach started to grow into a long, flailing tentacle. That was when I stopped laughing. She grabbed me by the leg with her tentacle and dragged me close to her. I tried to get away, but she grew more tentacles, one for each of my limbs. I was trapped.

Fake Me opened up the center of her stomach like a gaping toothy sideways mouth. Actually, it looked more like a vagina with molars.

"So, Sarah, how do you want to do this?"

"Do what? You're not doing anything to me!" I tried to spit in her face, but my saliva couldn't travel far enough.

"You are so pathetic." She cackled.

As she laughed, Fake Me's head morphed into Darius'.

"Sarah, you're such a pretty girl. Young… Energetic… Courageous… Your mind is like a nice ripe fruit ready to be raped." The tentacles that held me radiated with some kind of light. It hurt me like nothing I had ever hurt before. I screamed. I felt the inside of my mind being invaded. Darius laughed.

"In! Out! In! Out! Are we having fun yet?" He said.

"Get out! Get out of me!"

I felt a terrible sensation, like there were ants crawling all over me. They were on my skin, in my mouth, under my flesh, and crawling on the inside of my skull.

"Get them off of me! Get them the fuck off of me!" I shouted.

Darius laughed again.

"Yes! Your pain! My pleasure! Cry, you little bitch! Cry for me! I get off on your tear!"

I tried not to. I didn't want to give that fucker the seeing me cry. Even though it hurt, I couldn't let him see it. He sent one final shock through his tentacles and into my arms and legs.

"Ecstacy!" He shouted.

The pain was so great that my mind shut down. I could no longer think. It was too much for me. For a split second, I saw myself in the real world. I collapsed.


	11. Think With Your Heart

Chapter 11

Think With Your Heart

"Raptum Mentis."

In an instant, Sarah fell down in a quivering mess. She cried. She foamed at the mouth. She even wet herself. Melanie shouted.

"What did you do to her?"

"I mind raped her. I can feel my big, strong, mental cock ramming into her tight, young mental fun tunnel right now. Oh, it feels so good!"

Melanie noticed a bulge in her father's pants as he said this. She tried to run to go get Melanie's parents, but Darius closed the door with his wand.

"Where do you think you're going, Melanie Four? You've been a bad little girl, disobeying your master. I told you to break all friendships and now I find you here, away from Hogwart's?"

Melanie gave her father the middle finger.

"Oh, now that's just the wrong attitude. Come with me, I'll adjust it for you."

"Go to hell!" Melanie said. She began casting a spell.

"Melanie Blast!" A ball of magic energy erupted from her hand. Darius did nothing. An invisible magic shield protected him.

Melanie panicked and shot another blast. Darius walked right toward her and was unaffected by anything she did. He grabbed her by the arm.

"I created you, Melanie Four. Did you think I would be so stupid as to allow you to hurt me? My shield protects me against all Melanie magic. Now come on. I have to reprogram you."

Melanie struggled.

"Get your hands off of me!" She said.

Darius scowled.

"I didn't give you a choice." He started to cast a spell.

"Sectumsempra." "Melanie Shield!" A transparent red barrier formed in front of her.

Darius laughed.

"My magic will always penetrate you, Melanie. There is no use."

The sword curse shattered the magic shield and hit her. Melanie writhed in pain. She felt like she was being slashed by one hundred swords. Scars appeared on her body. Her clothes started to tear. She cried out in agony.

Once the spell was over, Darius tore Melanie's clothes off.

"Come on. You're getting a new mind." He said.

Melanie struggled.

"No! I don't want a new mind! Let me go!"

She was helpless. Darius dragged her through the portal and closed it behind him. She was back in his lair. The other Melanies were waiting for her. Darius turned to them.

"She's been feisty lately, probably a holdover from her friend. Restrain her and we can begin the extraction."

"Yes Master." The other Melanies said in unison.

Melanie Four tried to get away, but the other Melanies held her down.

"Load her into the machine. I'm going to have to perform surgery to fix this one." Darius said.

Melanie Four tried to struggle.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

Melanie Two smacked her.

"You couldn't stay on task, you little bitch? You just had to fall in love, didn't you? You're supposed to be incapable of love!"

"Shut up!" Melanie Four shouted.

Her sisters loaded her into a machine, one that held her in place. Darius turned to Melanies One through Three.

"You've all been good girls. Now leave. I want some time alone with our prodigal daughter."

They all nodded.

"Yes, Master."

Once all of his other daughters were gone, Darius turned to Melanie Four.

"Melanie Four… I think you've forgotten everything. You've lost your philosophy."

"I don't need your thoughts. I can think for myself." She said.

"No. No, you can't. Don't you even remember what you are? You're a homunculus, Melanie Four. Your name means dark warrior. You were made with a purpose in mind, a telos. The meaning of your life is to serve me. When you aren't serving me, you're living without meaning. You don't want a life without meaning, do you?"

Melanie Four didn't answer. She only scowled at her father.

Darius grabbed his wand.

"So, why do you believe in love so much? I have to know before I destroy your memories."

"Love is amazing. It may not always be perfect, but it's the best feeling ever." Melanie said.

Darius laughed.

"Just because it feels good doesn't mean it's good for you. I built you to be incapable of love, Melanie Four. Love is harmful. It's destructive. It will only lead to ruin. How you managed to go beyond my programming is a mystery to me."

Darius cast a spell. The machine started moving. The lights came on. Magic energy radiated from its core.

"Pretty soon, the machine will extract your mind. You will have no more memories. It's a nice clean slate, exactly what you need."

Darius opened up Melanie's chest. Inside, where her heart would be, was a spinning ball of golden energy, an artificial mind. It was where a homunculus kept all of her thoughts, her secrets, her hopes, and her dreams, that is, if she was permitted to have any.

"The machine will stop the spinning and it will allow me to extract the mind and put a new one in. Don't worry, you'll still be alive. You have an eternity to think about everything that you did wrong to disobey me." Darius said.

Melanie started to cry. She was enraged.

"You're a bloody cocksucker."

Darius smacked her in the face.

"Where did you learn to talk like that? Your stupid little friend?"

"I learned more in three weeks with her than two years at school. I learned what it was like to have fun, to have a life, to know what it means to love someone, to be loved, and that life's a journey, not a mission."

Darius shook his head.

"No, her life is a journey. Yours is a mission. You forget that you don't get to choose the meaning of your life. I do."

The spinning mind in Melanie Four's heart slowed down. It stopped moving. Darius pulled it out and Melanie Four fell limp. It would take him a few days to develop a fifth artificial mind, but he had the time and materials. He moved over to a different machine in his lab.

"Now to start work on the mind of Melanie Five." He paused for a moment.

"But what of that girl she fell in love with, the one I mind raped? She seems like one that would be foolish and try something stupid. I can't let her jeopardize my plan any longer. I have to go back and kill her." He grabbed his wand and readied himself.

"Your days are numbered, Sarah Salamandrus. I know all of your weaknesses now that I know your mind, and you will be dead within hours."


	12. Patience

Chapter 12

Patience

"Sarah? Sarah! Get up! Get the fuck up! Come on!"

It was Mom. I heard another voice.

"You sure she's all right? She looks dead."

"Yes, I'm bloody fucking sure! She's a Salamandrus! Salamandruses fight to the end! We never go down easy! We…"

Mom was being too loud. It hurt my ears. I opened my eyes and mumbled.

"Can you turn down the volume?"

My head hurt, like someone had just beat me in a boxing match, except no one had punched me. I felt something wet between my legs and looked down.

"Oh, bloody hell. I pissed myself."

I got up and saw a man from The Ministry of Magic standing next to Mom.

"Hello, Sarah. My name is Inspector Freeman. I'm from The Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Your mother says that you witnessed a crime. Can you tell me about it?"

I wanted to go tell him to piss off because he was a copper, but somehow, I knew that it would solve nothing.

"Right. I'll tell you everything."

"No, that's not how it works. I ask questions and you tell me about them. It makes paperwork easier for me."

"Paperwork?" Mom said.

"Believe me, Mrs. Salamandrus, I am buried in paperwork and I can't be out solving crimes until I've finished all of it."

What was this bastard doing? He was more concerned with finishing his homework than getting the correct information? Fucking tool.

Inspector Freeman asked me a few questions, like who was abducted, how the man came into the house, and what kind of spells he used. He wrote some of it down and generally lacked interest.

"Right. Well, I'll be off. Don't worry, Mrs. Salamandrus. We will find that kidnapper eventually." He left.

One word rang in my head that bothered me more than anything else. "Eventually". I didn't want Melanie saved eventually! I wanted people to be on the job right now! What the fuck is his problem? The Ministry of Magic is a bunch of worthless cocksuckers.

I turned to Mom.

"Right. That was a waste of time. I won't stand for this, none at all." I said.

I reached into my closet.

"Sarah, what the hell are you up to?"

"First I'm going to take a shower. I can't stand in my own piss all day. It's bloody disgusting. After that, I'm going to go out and find Melanie myself."

Mom was enraged.

"Sarah, it's dangerous. I won't let you go."

"What? And let Darius do whatever the fuck he wants to do with her?"

"Watch your fucking mouth, Sarah!" Mom snapped.

"Fine. I will."

I gave her the middle finger. She growled and gave me two.

We stared at each other down, our fingers raised to the air in silence before Mom cracked. She fell down on her knees, sobbing.

"Oh, Sarah. Don't do this to me. Please don't do this. I love you and I don't want you to get hurt." I walked over to Mom and hugged her.

"Mom."

She said nothing, just cried.

"Mom." I said.

She pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose. I was growing impatient.

"Mom!"

"I'm fucking listening!"

It surprised me a bit. I flinched a little.

"Mom, I love her too. I'm going through the same thing that you are. I don't want my girlfriend to get hurt. That's why I have to save her."

Mom got up and sat down.

"I guess there's no stopping you, then. The damndest thing is that you don't know where he is."

"Now, hold on. I think we can find her. I studied up on this class called divination. It's all about seeing into the future."

Mom made a face.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"If we can see the future, we may be able to get some insight on the present and point us in the correct direction. It's just up to us to make it happen."

Mom was dumbfounded.

"Using a crystal ball is advanced work. I thought you were behind in your studies?"

I smiled.

"I had to take remedial classes. They taught me a lot in there."

I took a shower and changed my clothes. Mom went into the basement and got out her old crystal ball. It was dusty because it hadn't been used since she was around my age.

"Well, this takes me back. Haven't needed this in a long time."

"Why do you never use it?" I asked.

"Because it takes a lot of magic energy to power the bloody thing. It's exhausting work."

I looked at the side and noticed a plug where one's wand would go. I could tell that this was no ordinary crystal ball. Mom smiled.

"I bought this at Diagon Alley one year so I could use it to cheat on the tests. Spent more than half my savings on this bloody thing. I don't think I could have graduated without it, though."

I started to plug my wand into the hole, until Mom stopped me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to see the future."

"No! You'll end up sleeping for a week. You can't save Melanie if you're in a coma, can you?"

I shook my head.

"Wait, if you were sleeping, then how could you cheat on the tests?" I said.

Mom snorted.

"I always got some other bloke to do it for me. I used to be hot when I was your age. Good looks can let you control a boy's mind better than any magic spell, you know."

"Good. Now…" She started to put her wand in, but I stopped her.

"Wait, no. If this thing isn't safe, then I don't know if we should be using it."

Mom slapped me.

"What the hell, Sarah? You're willing to endanger yourself, but not let me take a good seven day nap? Where are your priorities, girl?"

We were both stubborn and knew that we would get nowhere if we fought each other. I was endangering myself by going in to save Melanie. Mom was endangering herself by using her magic energy to power this crystal ball. I guess this was her way of getting back at me or something.

"Now come on, we have a life to save."

"Shouldn't you tell Dad first?" I said.

"Your father's at work. I'll leave him a note."

A note? Would that really be enough to explain why she was sleeping and wouldn't wake up? There was no point in arguing with Mom. She seemed determined to help me.

"I swear, you have no idea how much I give for you, Sarah."

She went in to hug me. I felt guilty about putting my Mom through this. She went back.

"I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Mom."

Mom jammed her wand into the crystal ball's hole. Her body froze, like time had stopped. I saw the crystal ball light up in a flash of thunder. I heard my Mom's voice speak from the orb.

"Sarah, I can see… I can see forever! Oh god, it's terrifying! Make this quick so I can get out of here."

I saw thunder crash from inside of the ball.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I said.

"Just hurry the fuck up, Sarah!"

I stumbled on my words.

"Will I find Melanie?"

I used my magic wand to manipulate the clouds on the ball. It was very delicate work. One slip-up and the ball could crack and become worthless. I secretly thanked Trelawney for making me take those remedial classes. An image appeared on the ball. I was standing in front of Melanie. She was hugging me.

"Yes! Yes, you are going to find your girlfriend. You find her by going through a portal."

I saw another flash of thunder inside of the crystal ball. Mom's voice cried out again from within.

"Ah! Ask another question, quick!"

I stammered.

"Uh… Uh…"

Mom screamed in pain again.

"Do I make the portal myself?" I said.

Another image appeared in the crystal ball, but it was fuzzy. I remembered a lecture Trelawney gave me on fuzzy images. You can make them crystal clear with a simple spell. I cast it and watched. The picture was of me bolting into Darius' portal.

"No! He comes for you. Just wait and be patient. You're a Hufflepuff, correct? They value patience!" Mom said.

I had always wondered why exactly I was a Hufflepuff. I was probably the least patient person I knew.

Mom screamed in pain again. She was running out of energy. I could only ask one last question.

"Do I live in the end, what about Melanie?"

I heard my mom scream in pain.

"Yes, you do live, but…"

I moved the clouds in the crystal ball and saw the image of the future. Melanie was dead. She was bleeding all over the place. I was holding her in my arms.

"I can change the future, Mom. People have done it before." I said.

"You… I…" The crystal ball lost all energy. Mom removed her wand from the ball's plug and fell down.


	13. Bow Down Before Me

Chapter 13

Bow Down Before Me

I waited all day for Darius to come. Dad came home and took Mom to the hospital so that she wouldn't dehydrate. He was pretty pissed at me, but ultimately understood when I said that it was Mom's choice. I didn't bother telling him that I was going to fight a dark wizard soon. He would have shat a brick if I did. Mom really did sacrifice a lot for me, though. I felt kind of bad about it. I had to go save Melanie, if anything so that her effort wouldn't be in vain. I kept waiting until I got tired. I think I started to go to sleep on the couch when the portal opened up again. It was Darius. He moved quietly. I knew he was there, though.

"Come to kill me in my sleep?" I taunted.

I got up and tried to punch him in the face, but he jumped out of the way.

"Sarah, Salamandrus. Today you are going to die." Darius said.

He pulled out his wand and cackled.

"Really? Is that before or after I cut off your balls?" I said.

I grabbed my wand. Darius laughed.

"Your magic skill is abysmal. I saw everything about you when I raped your mind." I tried to cast a spell.

"Expelliarmus!"

He waved his wand and countered my spell without any words.

"I know how to stop your feeble spells, Sarah. They are all child's play to me."

I put my wand away.

"Really? Then I guess you know where my real strength lies."

Before he could react, I gave him a sucker punch.

"In my fists!"

I tried to punch him again, but he cast a spell.

"Sectumsempra."

I tried to get out of the way, but his spell ended up grazing me. I felt a cut going across my leg. I slugged Darius in the face again, but he dodged and followed up with a punch of his own. It didn't hurt me.

"You hit like a pansy!"

I noticed the wand in Darius' hand. He was weak without it. I could probably take him on one on one if I could just get him to drop it or at least make it worthless. I had a plan. I tried kicking him in the shin, which knocked him down.

"Oh, you like that? You want some more?" I shouted.

I stomped on his face.

"Come on, bitch! Fight me like a man! Put away that wand and fight me with your fists!"

He rolled away from me and stood up.

"Enough games. It's time for you to die."

He pulled out his wand.

"Really? What are you going to do, cut me with that sword spell? I'm too fast for you."

Darius laughed.

"No. This spell is too powerful. It always hits and it always kills."

I knew what was coming. Professor Quirrell taught me well on the subject of unforgivable curses. I was ready for him.

Darius waved his wand.

"Avada…"

I saw powerful energy surging though his wand. I grabbed my wand and cast my counter spell.

"…Kada…"

"Silencio!"

My spell hit him. He wasn't ready and fell down. Both of his lips were sealed shut. He could not finish his spell. In fact, I couldn't finish any spells. I walked over to him and kicked him.

"You're supposed to be a dark wizard? You suck!"

He started to try to grab me, but I slugged him before he could do anything.

"You're such a weakling! You knew everything about me and still lost. How do you do that? You're pathetic!" I said.

I grabbed him by the head and jammed my knee into his face. His nose was broken. After that, I grabbed his wand and snapped it in half.

"Now tell me how to open up that portal."

Darius tried to speak, but failed.

"Oh, that's right. You can't talk. Well, you're worthless to me now. Might as well castrate you."

I dragged him to the kitchen and pulled out a knife. I held it up to his crotch.

"You don't want to die as a eunuch, do you? I know dark wizard types like you just hate the concept of death."

Darius shook his head in fear.

"Okay. If I let you speak, promise me you'll tell me exactly how to get there. If you lie…"

I stood away from him and levitated the knife in front of his balls.

"…It's curtains for you. Got that?"

Darius nodded.

"Good."

I lifted the silence charm and listened.

"It's a portal to my lair. It's located a few blocks past Knockturn Alley. I promise you, I won't lead you astray. Please don't kill me and take my bits!" Darius said.

"Fine, but only if you stay away from me and…"

"And what?" Darius said.

"And you bow down before me. I want you to call me Princess and be my slave for the rest of the day. Oh, and you have to cut your balls off when this is all done."

"What? Why?"

"Because you raped my mind. Do you want to live or do you want me die? I'm not like those other pansies. I'll kill you with no regrets." I said.

"I… Yes. Okay."

I waved my finger.

"That's 'yes, princess'."

"…Yes, Princess." I jumped up and down while clapping my hands.

"Yay! Okay, now take me to Melanie."

Darius opened up his portal and led me into his lair. There was lab equipment everywhere, a strange fusion of magic and technology. I saw magic tomes hooked up to machines, tubes filled with strange liquids, and orbs of magic energy powering everything.

"This is my lab. It is where I make my homunculi." Darius said.

I saw a naked girl on the ground. She had no nipples or vagina and looked kind of like Melanie, except that pieces of her skin were missing. It pissed me off.

"Did you kill her? I swear, if you killed her, you're dying a eunuch right here right now!" I shouted.

"No, Princess, no! This is not Melanie Four! This was my prototype, Melanie Zero. I was still perfecting artificial skin when I made her. She's been dead for ages now. I keep her around because I need a good map of how to build more."

I was surprised that she had been dead for a long time. Maybe homunculi don't decompose? I wasn't sure. I didn't care at that point. I just wanted to see the Melanie I loved, Melanie Four.

Darius led me to a door.

"Behind this door is my dungeon. That's where I've been keeping Melanie Four. Go on and open it. I'll wait out here."

I levitated the knife closer to his crotch.

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid? You open it!"

"…Yes, Princess."

He opened the door. I saw three other Melanies, all of which were completely naked. "Intruder!" One of them shouted.

The Melanies pointed their hands at me and fired magic energy bolts.

"Melanie Blast!"

I jumped out of the way and avoided the attacks. Somewhere along the line, I lost my concentration and dropped the knife. I hid behind a piece of machinery.

Darius commanded his troops.

"Melanies, that girl is Sarah Salamandrus! Bring me her head!"

"Yes, master."

They began searching the lab. I darted toward another door and hoped that it was somewhere safe. Before I could go in, one of the evil Melanies spotted me.

"There's the girl! Let's get her! Melanie Blast!"

I tried to avoid them, but one of their attacks hit him. I flew across the room and landed on a busted machine. It hurt like hell, but I stood up and continued toward the door. I closed it behind me and cast a spell.

"Cave Inimicum."

The door was sealed shut with magic. I heard the other Melanies blasting the door to try to open it up. I wasn't sure how long the spell would last, but it did buy me some time.

I turned around and saw her, Melanie Four, the one that I knew. She was naked, just like all the other Melanies, and lying in a machine. Her chest was open and I could see her insides. They were different from human insides. I had not known it, but I had fallen in love with a homunculus. It all made sense now. She never got drunk, she didn't feel hot or cold, and she talked about how she was born to do a mission. It was all because Darius made her with a purpose in mind. I wasn't part of that purpose and that was why he wanted me dead.

I shook Melanie to try to get her to wake up.

"Come on, Melanie. I'm here to save you."

She didn't move.

"Melanie?"

I remembered how the crystal ball showed me hugging her. She was clearly alive. I just had to make that revelation come true.

"Right. I need to use my brain. How do I get her to wake up?"

I noticed a hole in her chest cavity, like it was where something would go. I noticed some materials on the table and decided to try those.

"Right. Maybe she has a screw loose."

I put a screw into her chest slot. It fell out.

"Bollocks. Let's try again."

I shoved the skull of some kind of animal into her chest. It fell out, just like the screw.

"Okay, so this isn't necromancy. What about this?"

I put a golden ball into her. It fit well and started spinning.

"Yes! I got lucky! Go me!"

Melanie came back to life before my eyes.

"Sarah? How did you get here?" She said.

"I beat up Darius, but now he's off to sic your sisters on me."

I head another blast hit the door. It was going to fall soon.

"Think you can help?" I said.

"I can, yes. Just get me out of this machine and I'll be right with you."

I helped Melanie out of it and hugged her.

"Oh, it's so great to see you again. I thought I lost you."

Melanie embraced me too.

"I know, but now is not the time. We must fight!"


	14. Simply Smashing

Chapter 14

Simply Smashing

I heard a loud chorus of all three of Darius' Melanies from the other side of the door.

"Melanie Blast!"

The door splintered into flaming debris. Melanie Four protected me.

"Melanie Shield."

A red barrier formed in front of us. We were not hurt from the explosion. She lowered the shield and we stood face to face with Melanies One, Two, and Three.

"Melanie Four, you're back. I thought Master dismantled you." Melanie One said.

"Well, my girlfriend, Sarah, put me back together."

She paused to point her hand at the other Melanies.

Now I'm going to kick your asses and smear your guts all over the walls! How does that sound?"

Melanie Three shook her head.

"Love makes you evil, Melanie Four. You've gone too far from the path. It's no wonder Master was going to dispose of your mind."

She was pissing me off. I wasn't evil! They were evil for trying to take Melanie away from me! Melanie spoke to me.

"Come on, Sarah. Let's give them hell!"

I rushed toward Melanie Three and tried to kick her in the face. She held out her arms.

"Melanie Shield!" That same red barrier Melanie Four put up appeared in front of me. I crashed into it and hurt my foot.

"Fuck, that hurt!" I shouted.

I started to get back up, until Melanie Three shot a blast at me. I rolled out of the way and countered by punching her in the jaw. She fell down on her back.

"Get back up! I'll tear out your throat!" I said with a sadistic grin.

I started to jump on top of her, until she put out her hand.

"Melanie Blast!"

I was shot across the room again. It felt like I had just been hit by a car.

Melanie Three started to get back up, until Melanie Four shot her.

"Melanie Blast!"

It hit her so hard that her head came clean off. I clapped my hands.

"Go Melanie!"

She turned to me.

We can win this one, Sarah!" She said from across the room.

Before she could say anything else, Melanie Two blasted her with a beam. I started to run over to her, until someone grabbed my neck from behind. It was Melanie One. She started to try to squeeze my neck, but I was too strong.

"Oh no you don't, bitch!" I shouted.

I slipped from out of her grasp and performed my ultimate attack, The Super Ultimate Mega Rising Salamander Grip of Extreme Death! I slid under Melanie One's legs and tried to reach between her legs until I realized that she had no genitals. None of the Melanies had them. I ended up just grabbing a smooth area of her skin. She was still startled, though, which gave me an opening to grab her by the ankles and topple her.

Once Melanie One was down, I pummeled her with my fists and shouted obscenities at her in a blind rage as I smashed her face. I heard some loud cracks as I slammed my fists into her and she bled all over me. I think I might have broken her skull.

"Fuck you, you bloody imposter bitch!" I shouted as I got up.

I thought she was dead, until I heard those terrifying words come from her mouth.

"Melanie Healing." Melanie One got right back up and healed in front of me.

I smiled

"Oh, you want some more? I'll kill you as many times as I have to! Come on, homunculus bitch! Fight me!"

Melanie One put out her hand and put up her barrier. "Melanie Shield!" I tried to punch it down, but only succeeded in hurting my hand. "Ow! Fuck!" I shouted. Melanie One lifted the shield and shot another blast at me, but I jumped out of the way. I smashed my fist into her face and knocked a couple of her teeth out. That was when I had a plan. I grabbed her by the neck and put her in a headlock. I jammed my fist into her jaw again and broke the rest of her teeth out. These Melanies were so fragile. It was like they were made of papier-mâché.

"Okay, you bitch. Let's see how you fight without any of that fucking magic!"

I put on my sadistic grin again and reached into her mouth. I think she tried to say something, or maybe bite down on me, but it wasn't enough. I grabbed her tongue and yanked on it. She cried out in pain.

"Silence is golden." I said.

I dug my finger nails into her tongue and yanked it out. Blood spurted all over my face and out her mouth. I dropped the tongue and it flopped around on the floor.

"There! No more magic for you!" I said.

Melanie One started to say something, but it was impossible. I finished her off by grabbing her by the neck. She writhed in pain as I squeezed. She struggled to break free and coughed up blood until her face changed colors. Her body fell limp and I heard a snap. Melanie One was dead.

I turned to Melanie Four. She was shielding herself from an onslaught of magic blasts from Melanie Two.

"Melanie, I'm coming to help you!" I shouted.

Melanie Two turned to me.

"Sarah, no! She's too strong.!" Melanie Four said.

Before I could throw a punch, the evil Melanie cast a spell.

"Melanie Shield!"

I ended up punching the wall and falling down. I had been hurt so much that it was getting hard for me to move. I would have passed out if not for all the adrenaline pumping through me.

Melanie Four tried to run to my aid.

"Melanie Healing!"

I started to feel better, until Melanie Two started to glow.

"You… You two killed my sisters!"

I noticed Melanie One's broken body and Melanie Three's headless corpse off to the sides. Melanie Two started to laugh like a maniac.

"I won't stand for this. I really won't. I'm going to take you both down, even if it kills me!"

The light emanating from her body grew stronger.

"Sarah, she's going to use her ultimate attack, Melanie Doom!" Melanie Four said.

Melanie Four put up her shield in front of both of us. Melanie Two cackled as power surged through her body and radiated with light.

"That won't save you! Your shield is too weak!"

Melanie Four started to look discouraged. I could see her shield getting weaker.

"No! She's wrong! You can do it, Melanie! It's all about trying your hardest! Don't give up, I believe in you!"

A burst of energy went out from Melanie Two's body. It cracked the barrier.

"I don't think I can hold it." Melanie Four said.

"Don't say that! We're going to live, I know it!" I said.

I felt something in the back of mind shatter. It was the vision of the future, the one where I was holding Melanie's body. I saw a glimpse of it before it disappeared.

"You aren't going to die on me, Melanie. We can do this!"

Another burst of magic energy surged out of Melanie Two. The Melanie Shield cracked again.

"Sarah, you need to go. I can't hold it. Run away, somewhere where you won't get hurt." Melanie Four said.

Another surge came forth. Melanie Four tried to repair it by reinforcing the shield, but it still looked cracked.

"Go!" She said to me.

"I'm not abandoning you, Melanie. I love you. I never want to leave you." I said.

Melanie Four smiled when she heard this. I could see tears in her eyes.

"Fine. I guess if we're going to die, we'll die together."

"We won't die! I believe in you, Melanie!"

Melanie Two screamed.

"Melanie Doom!"

Her body disintegrated in an instant. The final surge of energy came forth like a tsunami. The ground shook. The walls collapsed. The roof was blown to bits. The explosion would have consumed everything, but Melanie's shield protected us. I could feel scorching air, the blast wind, blowing heat at me on the sides of the barrier. I started to blow away, until Melanie grabbed me by the hand.

"I've got you, Sarah. Don't worry. I've got you."

My eyes felt like they were going to bleed. My clothes started to tear in the wind. I could see Melanie's shield holding back what looked like a nuclear explosion. There was another crack.

"Sarah…" Melanie said in a weak voice.

"Stay focused, Melanie! Stay focused!"

She pulled me up to her lips and tried to kiss me, until her arms fell limps. She let go and I fell onto the floor. The shield cracked again, like it was about to break.

"Melanie!" I said.

She turned to the explosion and repaired more cracks on her shield. The explosion ended. Her barrier disappeared. Melanie collapsed.

I ran to Melanie and held her in my arms. It was just like in the vision. She was covered in blood and dying.

"Melanie… I'm sorry. I tried my hardest. I tried and tried and fucking tried and…"

She opened her eyes.

"Sarah, what are you talking about?"

She weakly stood up. She wobbled a little, like she was about to fall down, but she seemed fine.

"Melanie? You're alive?"

She helped me up.

"I'm moving and talking to you, aren't I?" She said with a smile.

I had to cry and hug her.

"I thought I fucking lost you." I said.

"No, it's okay. It's going to take a lot more than that to stop us."

We both stood in the ruins of Darius' house when we noticed two things. First was that Darius had gotten away. The second was that we had no idea how we were going to get home.

"So, how about home? I'm not into the whole public nudity thing." Melanie joked.

I had forgotten that she had been naked this entire time. I backed away from her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean… I had no idea I'd been touching your… I looked at her chest.

"You don't have any tits… er you do, but you have no nipples."

Melanie shook her head.

"I don't need them. Darius made me to be a dark warrior, not a sex machine. I'm kind of glad, really. He seemed like he was always two steps away from trying to fuck me."

She paused before giving me a smile again.

"Even then, I don't mind if you touch me there. It doesn't bother me."

I smiled back.

"I wouldn't mind if you touched me there either."

I walked toward one of Darius' neighbor's houses and knocked on the door.

"What are you doing, Sarah?"

"I'm asking to use their phone. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Melanie ran to me.

"Sarah, he's busy. Can't you tell? The house next door blew up and he hasn't gone to look at it."

"Busy my ass. He's just scared or something. This place looks rough anyway." I said.

I looked around and the neighborhood did look a bit messy. There was garbage everywhere and graffiti on a few people's houses.

I knocked on the door again. An old man answered the door.

"Oh, who is this? Are you here to sell me cookies? I don't want any."

He started to slam the door, until I put my foot in.

"We're not here to sell fucking cookies you geezer."

The old man looked at Melanie.

"Oh. Prostitutes! Come right in. I apologize, my package is a little old, for lack of better word, but I think I might have an arousal potion somewhere."

I slapped him across the face.

"Your neighbor's house just blew up and we need to use your phone."

The old man looked next door and saw the piles of rubble.

"Oh. Well, that's bad. I'm sure the constables will be quite sore over that."

What the fuck was wrong with this man? Did anything mean anything to him? He was pissing me off.

"Right. Well, if you need to use my phone, then come right in. I think I might have one in the hallway."

He led us inside and showed me to the phone. While I dialed, I noticed him standing behind Melanie with a perverted look on his face.

"Are you staring at my ass?" She said.

The old man lowered his head in shame.

"Your bum is pretty. That is all."

The phone rang and Dad picked up.

"Salamandrus residence."

"Dad?" I said.

"Sarah? Where the hell have you been?"

"It's a long story, Dad, but I'm a few houses down from Knockturn Alley and I need a ride home."

Dad sighed

"Always getting into trouble with you. I'll be there with some brooms."

He started to hang up.

"Wait, Dad, another thing." I said.

"What is it?" "I'm covered in blood. Can you promise me you won't make a big deal of it?"

"What the hell are you all covered in blood for?" He said.

"Dad, please?"

He groaned.

"Fine. I'll be there…"

"Dad, one more thing." I said.

"What is it now?"

"I'm naked too. Can you bring me clothes?"

"Why are naked? Have you been doing… You know… Lesbian stuff?"

"No it's… It's a long story. Just bring me some clothes, okay?" I said.

"Fine. But when we get back, you two will have a lot of explaining to do."

I hung up and turned to Melanie.

"Wait, I'm the naked one, not you." She said.

I took off my shredded and bloodstained clothes.

"We can't let Dad know you're not human. He'd call the coppers and they'd take you away. Here, put these on." I said.

I handed my clothes to Melanie. The old man smiled.

"You look much better than her. Maybe I won't need that arousal potion." He said.

"Piss off, gramps." I said.

Melanie put my clothes on.

"They're itchy, Sarah. I don't like wearing your blood soaked stuff."

"Just hold on, okay? You'll be fine."

The old man raised a question to Melanie.

"So, if you aren't a human, then what are you?"

Before Melanie could speak, I cut in.

"She's a human."

"I thought you said she was something else?"

"No, your ears are just old."

"But she didn't have any girly bits." The old man said.

"Your eyes are just playing tricks on you. Now go back to bed and wait for us to leave." Melanie said.

"But… I'm not sleepy."

I nudged him away, and he walked back to his bed. What a colossal idiot.


	15. Better Than Diving Face First, Nude

Chapter 15

Better Than Diving Face First, Nude, Into a Pool of Gelatin

When we got back, Dad threw a shit fit. None of it was about the fact that we killed three people, blew up a man's house, and almost died in an explosion. No, it was because Mom was in the hospital for the week and we couldn't spend spring break with her.

"You'll be back to classes for months and she never gets to see you!" Dad said.

"I know… I'm sorry." I said.

"You bloody well should be! Do you know how much she misses you when you're away! She thinks about you all the time!" Dad said.

His lecture continued like that for a while.

I was so sore and worn out from fighting that I had to sleep. I think Melanie was tired too. We were out of commission for a few days, I think. I would have thought this to be a waste of a spring break, but I saved Melanie, so that was good enough for me. By the time we were both well again, spring break was almost over. At least it was interesting.

It was our last day at home. The next day, The Knight Bus would take us back to Hogwart's and we'd be spending all our days in class again. Dad was at work and I was watching TV with Melanie in the living room. It was a show, some stupid comedy show that wasn't actually funny. Melanie seemed amused, though, so I guess she was enjoying it. Once the show was over, I grumbled.

"I hate limitations. They make life so bloody boring."

"What?" Melanie said.

"We have to go back to Hogwart's soon. We have all this time to do whatever we want and we end up limiting ourselves." I said.

"I'm doing what I want." Melanie said.

I gave her a look.

"I'm spending time with you, Sarah. Even if we're just laying down and trying to recuperate or watching bad TV, as long as I'm with you, I can enjoy myself."

Melanie's words were sweet. I felt kind of special when she said it. I grumbled.

"Stupid limitations. If I could, I'd punch limitations straight in the jaw and break its fucking teeth." Melanie had to laugh.

"You sure do think about fighting a lot.

I smiled.

"I know. Fighting's fun! It's the most fun thing in the world. Well… Maybe. There might be something more fun." I said.

"Like what?"

"Like…"

I had to think of the words. I wanted to say loving her, I really did, but then I cocked it all up.

"Like diving face first, nude, into a swimming pool full of gelatin. That, right there, is the only thing that could give fighting a run for its money."

Melanie laughed at me for saying this.

"What? You don't think that'd be fun? I think it'd be fucking awesome!"

I stood up and put up my fists.

"What do you say, Melanie? How about it? Do you want to fight me?"

"Sarah, I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh, come on! Just our fists, no magic. How about it, a nice clean match, just you and me? Well?"

Melanie stood up and smiled.

"Okay, Sarah. I'll fight you. Don't blame me if you lose, though."

I rushed in to throw the first punch.

"Take that, limitations!"

I slugged her in the face. Melanie was knocked back onto the couch. I tried to punch her again, but she darted away. She tried to counter with a kick of her own, until I dodged it.

"What are you doing? You kick like a pansy!" I said.

I tried to punch her again, until Melanie caught my fist and laughed in my face. Damn, she was fast! She pushed me to the ground and got on top of me.

"Ready to feel my fists of fury!" Melanie said.

I braced myself. She looked like she was ready to hit me, until she stopped. She got off of me and sat down.

"I can't fight you, Sarah. I don't want to hurt you."

I sat down next to her.

"Oh, come on. It's not like we're trying to kill each other. You know, just good old fashioned fisticuffs. Nothing wrong with that, right?" I said.

She shook her head.

"I don't want to hurt you." Melanie said.

I settled down.

"Oh. Well, you don't have to fight me if you don't want to." I said.

She laughed.

"You never gave Terry Cocksboro that option."

"Maybe it's because I don't feel the same around Terry Cocksboro as I do with you."

We leaned in to kiss each other. Our lips touched and we ended up feeling hot. Somehow, I felt a little depressed. I wasn't even sure why, but something inside of me was trying to speak and I didn't want to listen.

"What's wrong?" Melanie said, sensing something about me.

"It's nothing. Let's get back to making out." I said.

I started to kiss her again, until she stopped me.

"No, tell me. What is it?" Melanie said.

I had to tell her the truth. I didn't want to say it, but I had to.

"Melanie, I've felt weird ever since I learned that you were a homunculus. It's like… I don't know. You're not a human. It feels weird to be around you."

Melanie put her hands on her hips.

"Not a human? I'm still a human, Sarah, just an artificial one. Just because I was conceived in a lab instead of in some woman's womb doesn't make me any less human than you." "I know, but I saw your insides. They weren't normal."

"Maybe they weren't for you. For me they're fine."

"Also…" I felt awkward saying this.

"Also, you don't have a vagina. I mean, it may not sound like much, but I used to dream of your vagina. I just feel weird because you don't have one."

"So what if I don't have a vagina? You can still love me, right?" She said

"I can, yes, but it just feels weird. It's not natural."

"I'm not natural." Melanie said.

Melanie reached out to me. Her touch was soft, gentle, and warm.

"That feels great, doesn't it? It's indistinguishable from a natural caress."

"I know. It is. Thank you." I said.

She kissed me.

"That's an artificial kiss. Artifice implies lies. Am I a lie to you?" Melanie said.

"No, you're not." I said.

She sat back down.

"Then there shouldn't be anything wrong with this." Melanie said.

"Wrong with what?" I said.

She gave me an embarrassed smile.

"Guess."

"I'm bloody awful at guessing games. Tell me." I joked.

"No. You're going to have to guess."

It didn't take me long to figure it out. I put on my devious smile.

"You want to fuck me, don't you?" I said.

"Maybe."

"Well, how do you want to do it? I mean, obviously, I can't do much with you. You don't have a vagina."

"I don't need a vagina. All I need is love!" Melanie said.

"Well, here. Let's go upstairs and we can figure out everything in bed."

"You're bed's small. Are you sure we'll both fit?" Melanie said.

"Positive. Let's go."

Melanie and I walked up to my room. We stood around for a moment doing nothing, mostly because we had no idea how to start.

"Well… To be honest, I've never done this before." I said.

"We should probably get into bed first. That's the first step, right?"

"Yeah, first step." I said.

I reclined onto my bed. Melanie laid next to me. I reached over to try to kiss her. We pressed our lips together for a while and mumbled passionate moans. It was cheesy, kind of like something out of a bad romance movie. I backed away to go take off my clothes, but before doing anything, I fell out of bed.

"Ow! Son of a whore, that hurt!"

Melanie jumped out of bed the see me.

"Sarah, are you all right?"

I got up.

"Yeah. I landed on my ass, though."

I got back in bed with Melanie and we started kissing again. It was nice at first, until she started to say something.

"Vy muv floo."

My tongue was in her mouth.

"What?" I said.

Melanie backed away, but she ended up falling out of bed.

"Ow! Bollocks!" Melanie said.

She got back up.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this in your bed."

I frowned.

"What, and do it in the bathroom? The place is still airing out from when I took a shit an hour ago." I said.

"Oh… Hm… This is quite a predicament."

"What about outside? The grass and dirt could cushion us." I said.

Melanie was outraged.

"Outside? Where everyone can see us?"

"The backyard is fenced off. We can go there." I said.

No. I'm not okay with this. It sounds dirty and weird. I don't want to go there."

I thought for a moment and gave Melanie a devious smile.

"What about Mom and Dad's bed. Theirs is huge. We won't fall out there."

Melanie gave me a worried look.

"What if you father notices after we're done?"

"He isn't off work for five hours. We'll have plenty of time to clean up."

"Well… Okay, but this is going to feel dirty." Melanie said.

I took off my shirt and my bra.

"That's because it is dirty. You want to get dirty with me?"

Before she could answer, I dashed through the house and laughed like a maniac.

"Sarah, wait for me!" Melanie said.

I waited for Melanie on the bed. She entered completely nude. I was reminded that she lacked certain body parts that made certain acts impossible. I smiled.

"Last time I saw you like that, you were blowing up your sisters."

I must have said the wrong thing.

"Way to kill the mood, Sarah."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Here, let me…"

I had to think of something to do to her.

"…Kiss your tits? That works without nipples, right?"

Melanie smiled.

"Okay. We can try that first."

Then, we had a great time. Okay, it was quite awkward and neither of us were any good at anything, but we enjoyed ourselves. First time's always kind of awkward, right? Well, it was for us. In spite of everything it felt beautiful.

What, you want to hear more? Use your bloody imagination! It's going to be much hotter and sexier than anything we actually did. Just go to the next chapter, please? I don't want everyone to know how awkward my first time was or how many times I fell out of bed. Just use your imagination, okay? You can write a sex scene between us much better than this bloody hack of a writer can. I believe in you, reader! I believe in you!

Right, that's enough fourth wall nonsense. I should stop fucking around with this kind of shit. It makes my head hurt and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Well, Melanie and I had sex. That's the important part.


	16. THE FINAL BATTLE

Chapter 16

THE FINAL BATTLE

Spring break was over. I went back on The Knight Bus with Melanie and went back to bloody Hogwart's where studying and annoying professors awaited me. I wished that I could goof off with Melanie longer, but I guess reality has to kick back in at some point. Life can't always be a dream. You have to wake up at some point.

Wake up. Yeah, that was going to be hard. Professor Trelawney was putting me to sleep with her boring lecture on knowing if your garden will grow. For fuck's sake, I could tell you if it could grow or not! Just water your plants and get them sunlight. You don't need a bloody spell to know that! Sometimes I wonder if the people who invent magic spells have any common sense.

After class was over, Trelawney wanted to speak with me again.

"Miss Salamandrus?" She said.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Listen, I heard about your mother, how she's in the hospital. I'm deeply sorry for you. You have my sympathy." She said.

"What? No, she isn't dead. She's just sleeping."

Trelawney shook her head.

"I heard a prophecy, Sarah. Someone you know is going to die. It's in the cards."

"What cards? I never did anything with cards."

She leaned in to touch me, like she was trying to console me or some bullshit.

"Listen, if anything happens, just know, that I'm here for you. You're a troubled young lady, but you're smart and I believe in you."

I pushed her away.

"Nothing's fucking happened yet!"

"I know, but it will happen."

"How do you know that? Is it because you got plastered one night and had some kind of dream and now you believe it to be true?"

"Sarah, don't get upset. I'm only trying to help you."

Only trying to help? Is that what this is? She was pissing me off. She's telling me that she can see the future and that something bad is going to happen and that she isn't going to do one fucking thing about it? I didn't have time for her bullshit.

"Right. I've had just about enough of you. Goodbye." I said.

I started for the door.

"Sarah, wait." She said.

I turned around.

"Sarah, you have to believe me. I can see the future. I've predicted people's deaths. I only want to help you."

"You've predicted deaths, but you didn't do shit to prevent them? Right. I know exactly how helpful you are. Just because you're a professor doesn't mean you aren't a spineless and weak little bitch."

Trelawney frowned.

"I could deduct points for that."

"Go ahead. I don't even give a shit anymore."

I started to turn around.

"Sarah, I mean you no harm. I just want what's best for you."

"If you wanted what's best for me, you'd stop being a slave to fate and just fight it!"

"You can't solve all of your problems by fighting them."

"Maybe you can't, but I can!" I turned around to leave. I didn't want to see her face. I didn't want to attend her lectures, do her homework, or have anything to do with her. There were still a few weeks left of school though, so I had to put up with her. She stood up to try to follow me.

"Sarah, please…"

I showed her my middle finger.

"Eat shit." I said as I stormed out.

I was so angry that I was having problems thinking straight. I left to go meet Melanie in her house's commons. Yesterday I said that I'd see her there. I walked up to the entrance and spoke the password.

"Foreskin."

The wall opened up. I laughed to myself a little at how stupid a password Slytherin's commons had this year. I walked over and saw Melanie sitting down while reading a book.

"Melanie!" I said.

She put down the book and ran over to hug me. Once we were done, I asked,

"So, what do you want to do today? Catch a quidditch game? I think Slytherin is playing today."

"Sure. I'd love to come. It beats reading about this man and his awful adventures in space."

I turned to her book. It was The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

"They have muggle books in the library?" I said.

"Actually, Alice gave it to me. She said that she was borrowing it from Zack before they broke up. She said that she was going to burn it, but then she thought I'd get some enjoyment out of it."

"So, is it good, or is it a bloody waste of time?" I said.

Melanie smiled.

"It's frustrating to read, but it has a good message. Also, it's got naked men on planet Mercury, so there's that, too." She laughed.

I led Melanie outside toward the quidditch stadium, until I saw him, my old nemesis, Terry Cocksboro. He was walking toward the stadium too, off to watch to watch the game. I ran up to him.

"Terry!" I said.

He looked defensive.

"Stay away from me, you loony."

I ran in and faced him. He tried to look away, but I was persistent.

"Terry, I missed you when I was back at home. There aren't enough wormstiffers to fight there."

"I do not want to fight you." Terry said.

"Really? But it's fun! You're my favorite person to fight, no bollocks!" I said.

"You fight other people?" Terry said.

Melanie cut in.

"She got into a nasty fight with my father. And my three sisters too, actually."

"Oh, you should have seen it, Terry. I took all three of them on alone and kicked all their asses!"

"Oh, shut up. You did not." Melanie said.

Terry started to walk away. I followed him.

"Let's fight, Terry! Come on!" I said.

"No."

"My blood longs for combat. My soul aches for violence. Come on, Terry, please?"

"Stop it."

I needed to do something to get him riled up. I thought about how pissed Trelawney made me earlier that day and channeled it. I knew I could make him just as mad as I was if I did just the right thing.

"Terry, do you think I'm pretty?"

"Not falling for that one again."

Damn. He was on to me.

"What about Melanie? Do you think she's pretty?"

Terry ignored me. I followed him into the forest where he stopped. Wait, weren't we going to the stadium?

"What if I just punched you? Would that get you to fight me?" I said.

Terry smiled.

"I'll fight you now, Sarah, now that no one else is around." I was shocked.

"Did hell just freeze?"

Terry shook his head.

"I took some time to reflect over spring break, Sarah. You won't be able to fight me anymore soon. We'll probably never see each other again."

I growled.

"Not if I have anything to say about that!"

Terry laughed.

"I figured we might as well enjoy this mayhem while we can. There's not much left of it."

He put his wand away and rolled up his sleeves.

"Quit talking like we're going to graduate tomorrow. We still have a few months."

"I know… I guess deep down, I kind of enjoy your company, even if it is weird and involves getting hurt a lot."

For the first time, Terry Cocksboro actually wanted to fight me. It felt weird. Usually he hated the idea of fighting me and got uncomfortable when he had to hit me because I was a girl. My enthusiasm felt like it had just been kicked in the gut. I wasn't so excited to fight him anymore. He motioned me to come to him.

"What's the matter, Sarah? Do you still want to fight me?" He said.

I thought about walking away. Fighting him wasn't going to be nearly as fun if he was willing. That was like going to the lake for fishing only for the biggest fish in the lake to jump right into your grill and start frying itself. It's just not the same.

Wait a second… That bloody wormstiffer was in my head! He was trying to get me to stop! This was all a trick, a way of defeating me without violence! I saw right through his plan and laughed.

"Do you take me for someone stupid, Terry? I know what you're trying to do!"

"You certainly look stupid." Terry said.

"Really? I think you just want me to lose my enthusiasm and make me be the one to walk away. Well guess what, you bloody wormstiffer? I'm not as stupid as everyone says!"

I charged at him and tried to throw the first punch. I made it slow and easy to avoid on purpose. He dodged, just as I expected. I gave him a great opening to counterattack, but he didn't take it.

I turned to him and smiled.

"What's the matter, Terry? I thought you said you wanted to fight. I gave you a great opening to punch me and you didn't take it. Why now?"

"I…"

I got up into his face.

"Well?"

"Sarah…"

"Come on, spit it out, wormstiffer."

He tried to run away. I grabbed him by the arm.

"Let's fight, Terry!"

He turned around and slugged me in the face. I let go of him and fell back.

"Fine. I'll fight you, Sarah. Just this once, I'll fight you for real. Will that please you?"

I got up and smiled.

"There is no pleasing me, Terry. My lust for combat is endless. To satisfy me is to satisfy Aries himself."

Terry nodded.

"Then I will sate that lust. No matter how great you think you are, you have your limits and I intend to see them!"

I gave him a devious smile.

"It's going to hurt."

"I don't care."

Terry charged at me with a kick, but I jumped out of the way and smashed him in the shoulder with my elbow. He fell down, but delivered a sweep kick to knock me down too. He tried to get back up, but I pounced on him like a tiger and punched him in the chest. I had a huge smile on. This was glorious to me. I wound up for another punch when Terry rolled over on top of me. He pinned me in some kind of wrestling hold. I tried to break free, but he was too strong.

"Had enough?" Terry taunted.

"It is never enough!" I said.

He strengthened his hold. I felt like my arms were in a vice grip.

"How about now?" He said.

I growled.

"You bloody wormstiffer! I'll beat you!"

I used my knee to drive it into his leg and knock him off of me. We both go up, but before I could do anything, Terry delivered a powerful kick to my back. I fell back down. He circled to the front of me, like the bloody wormstiffer thought he was victorious.

"There. You are defeated. I gave you exactly what you wanted, a fight so great that it will be inscribed in gold for all eternity. We are done here."

He started to walk away.

"Done? I've just started. I still have a lot of fight left in me. Don't walk away from me, you bloody wormstiffer."

I took off my shirt as I stood up.

"You really want me to kick your ass again?" Terry said.

"I'd like to see you try!"

He smiled and took off his shirt.

"What the fuck are you doing? Put your clothes back on! That's my thing!"

"Why? Fighting shirtless makes you stronger. You said it yourself."

"It makes ME stronger! I'm the hero!" I said.

"No, I'm the hero. You're just a minor antagonist. You don't even get a spot on the movie poster."

Melanie spoke up.

"There's a movie?"

"No! He's just trying to piss me off!"

It was like he knew exactly how to get under my skin. First he said that he's going to satisfy my longing to fight him. Then he took off his shirt. That was my bit! He stole it from me! After that, he had the audacity to call me insignificant, like I was just some two bit antagonist in a shitty direct-to-video feature. I felt so angry that my eyes hurt. I didn't want to fight him, I just wanted to leave and never see his disgusting face again… Wait, this was another trick! He wanted to get me so pissed that I quit! My rage left me.

"Guess what, cocksucker. I never quit."

I charged at him and before he could react, I punched him in the face.

Terry got back up and smiled.

"Clearly, I'm too weak for you. Maybe I should take off my pants too. The shirt is not enough." He said.

He removed his pants and stood at me wearing only his shoes and socks.

"You don't look scary, you just look like a fucking assclown." I said.

"Really? What if I tackled you and got my big floppy wiener on you. Wouldn't that be gross?" Terry said.

I thought for a split second of how disgusting Terry's cock was, until I shook it out of my head.

"You really want me to quit, don't you?" I said.

"It's up to you. You don't have to get my disgusting, smelly, man meat on you if you just stop fighting." Terry said.

"No. Seeing it just makes me want to hit it!"

I ran in to give Terry a low punch, but he countered with an uppercut. It knocked me back, but I charged right back in. I tried to slug him in the balls again, but once again, he defended himself with another counter. I fell down this time. Terry stomped on my body while I was down and stood over me and put his disgusting smelly balls in my face. I felt sore. I wasn't sure if I was going to win.

"Do you still want to fight me, Sarah?"

"Get your bollocks out of my face!" I said.

"Why? You chose this. You wanted to keep fighting. This is your doing!" Terry taunted.

I thought I was going to lose, until I noticed something amazing. Terry had set himself up for my most powerful attack, The Super Ultimate Mega Rising Salamander Grip of Extreme Death, or TSUMRSGED! I gave him a devious smile.

"I win, you bloody wormstiffer."

"What?"

Before he could say anything, I gripped him by the goodies so hard that I swear I saw blood. I pulled on his sack like I was going to tear it off. He screamed in pain like I had never heard anyone scream before. I twisted it and smiled an evil smile while doing it. He fell down to his knees from the pain. I got up and used this opportunity to grab him by the head and slam my knee into his face. The battle was over. I had won.

I turned to Melanie.

"Heal him. He deserves it for giving me such an awesome fight." I said. She nodded.

"Melanie Healing."

Both of us recovered. It was as if neither of us had even thrown a punch. I helped Terry up.

"What the hell was that? I felt like my balls were going to die." Terry said.

"It was The Super Ultimate Mega Rising Salamander Grip of Extreme Death, my signature move. You left yourself wide open." I said.

Terry sighed as he put his clothes back on.

"Sarah, fighting just isn't for me. I know you want me to be your rival, but I just can't do it. I have a lot going on in my life right now and I don't think there's enough room for me to fight you."

"Really? But you were amazing! That was the best fight I had ever had!" I said.

"I know, but you have to understand. There will be plenty of other wormstiffers out there for you to fight. I'm not the only one." Terry said.

I shook my head.

"You don't even know what that bloody word means."

Terry finished putting his clothes back on.

"We can still be friends, though. You know, the kind of friends that don't kick each other's asses all the time." He said.

"Maybe… I'm not sure." I said.

"It's pretty clear you like me. Why else would you keep coming back to fight me all the time?" Terry said.

I stammered a bit before shouting.

"You're a wormstiffer!"

He laughed at me. I felt embarrassed, like even I was afraid to admit to myself that I kind of liked him for being such a wormstiffer. Melanie cut in.

"We could be friends. He seems like an okay guy, Sarah."

"See? Even your girlfriend thinks so. How about it, Sarah? What do you say we stop beating the shit out of each other and be friends?"

I thought for a split second before giving him my answer.

"Sure, fine. Whatever. We can be friends. I kind of like you better as a rival, though. Fighting's my favorite thing in the world, though and I'm going to miss fighting you."

Melanie gave me a stern look.

"What about last night? I thought your favorite thing in the world was when I…"

I interrupted her.

"Not in front of Terry, Melanie! …But yes, that was better than fighting."

I turned back to Terry.

"Fine. I guess you're my friend now. That doesn't stop you from being a wormstiffer, though."

"That's okay with me. Well, I've got to go. Later, Sarah, Melanie?"

"Bye, Terry." Melanie said.

"Goodbye, wormstiffer." I said with a smile.


	17. Walking Miracle

Chapter 17

Walking Miracle

Once Terry was gone, I turned back to Melanie. She was holding back laughter, very poorly might I add.

"What's so funny?" I said.

"Sorry. It's just that you were real cute back there. You remind me of a child sometimes."

I laughed.

"Yeah. I'll have to grow up someday."

Melanie moved in close.

"Don't. I like you better this way."

She kissed me. I kissed her back. I had no idea that this conversation would go here this fast, but I didn't mind.

Once we were done, I turned back to Melanie.

"Well, I'm not going to be in school forever. I need to do something. I know my parents probably want me to have some boring job that pays the bills, like selling expensive broomsticks at a dealership or some shit."

Melanie frowned.

"Please don't do that, Sarah."

"I know. I don't want to do that either." I said.

She snapped her fingers.

"Witch boxing. You could get into that."

"Witch boxing?" I said

I had never heard of such a thing.

"Or witch wrestling. You could get into that."

"Melanie, I don't think the wizard world would be very interested in girls like me getting into fistfights."

"Why not? I think it's interesting."

"I know, but everyone else would hate it."

Wizards were notoriously stuffy. I never felt like I fit in with them all the way.

"Sarah, I don't want to see you lose who you are. Please, have a dream." Melanie said.

"Maybe you could get female wrestling or female boxing to work in the muggle world, but wizards are such tightasses. It would never work." I said

"Sarah, you have to have some kind of dream and you have to believe in it. You can do anything you want as long as you try hard enough. You taught me that." Melanie said.

I smiled.

"Maybe I'll think about it. As much as wizards value intellect, they also do love a good spectacle."

I thought about what Melanie had said to me all night. Where was I going to go after I graduated? I never put a lot of thought into that, mostly because I never wanted to think about it. It was going to hit me at some point, though and it was better to be prepared than to end up losing my identity as some fucking saleswoman or some bullshit. I wanted to get some advice on the matter, so I decided to ask a professor. Trelawney was the obvious choice. She could see the future and could guide me on my destiny, but I hated her and didn't want to see her any more than I already did. Snape was probably the smartest professor, but he was a hardass and would probably just trick me into doing his busywork or some shit. Then my thoughts turned to Professor Quirrell, my favorite professor! I decided to go see him after class was over.

The next day, I saw Professor Quirrell after class. He seemed like he was in a hurry to go somewhere, but I decided to speak with him anyway.

"Professor Quirrell?" I said.

"Oh, yes, Sarah?" He said.

"I need some help. I don't know what to do after I graduate. I was wondering if you could help me."

The professor smiled.

"You're a nice girl, Sarah, a real strong person. You're a Hufflepuff too, right? Loyalty's your thing."

I nodded and smiled.

"That's right! I am loyal. So, what do you have in mind?"

"I've got this great group of people I know who love strong and loyal people. They're a bit secretive, though. You can keep secrets, right?"

"I never was much of a gossip." I said.

"Good! I think you'll fit right in. Some of them are very powerful wizards too. We hope to change the world someday. What do you say? Do you want to change the world?" Quirrell said.

"Change the world… That sounds lovely! When can I join?"

"Once you graduate, I can get you in as an apprentice. See me after classes are over and we'll iron out the details." Quirrell said.

I started to leave until I remembered someone.

"Oh, also, I have a girlfriend, Melanie. Could she join too? I want to spend my future together with her and was wondering if she could at least talk it over with you and me."

"Maybe. How is her blood?" Quirrell said.

"What do you mean?"

"Is she pure? I know you're pure, but I don't know about her."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I said.

"A lot, actually. Is Melanie Four a pure blood?"

I wasn't sure how to answer this. Melanie wasn't even human. She was a homunculus made in a lab. Her blood was probably synthetic, like the rest of her body.

"Uh… I think so. I met her father once. He was a wizard, but I've never met her mother."

Quirrell nodded.

"I see. Well, I can do a test just to be sure."

I smiled.

"Thanks, professor Quirrell. You're my favorite professor." I said.

"Oh, thank you, Sarah. That means a lot coming from you."

I went on my way to my next class.

Once classes were over, I met Melanie in the commons. She was reading that book again, the one about nude men on Mercury.

"Melanie, Professor Quirrell wants to see us." I said.

"Oh? Why? Are we in trouble?" She said.

"No. He actually wants to talk about what we want to do with ourselves after we graduate. Oh, but he'll want to know if you blood is pure first." I said.

"Pure blood? Well… It's technically pure. Darius' synthetic blood is modeled after his own and he was pure as well, so I should be able to pass." Melanie said.

I jumped up and down while clapping my hands.

"Yes! Come on, let's go!"

Before Melanie could say anything, I grabbed her by the arm and ran toward Quirrell's office.

The hallways seemed strangely empty as I rushed through them with Melanie. I stopped when I noticed a large blast crater on a wall close to Qirrell's office.

"What's wrong?" Melanie said.

"I don't know. I've got a bad feeling about this, though." I said.

I heard a voice from the ceiling. It sounded like Melanie's but I knew it wasn't her.

"Oh, you must be Sarah. I've been meaning to see you." I looked up and saw a girl that looked like Melanie, but she had tiny angel wings on her back and a glowing halo made out of magic runes. She was also completely naked and had a serene, almost peaceful smile on her face.

Angel Bitch flew down from the ceiling and landed in front of us. I wasn't sure how she could fly with such small wings. It had to be some kind of magic. She bowed before introducing herself.

"I am Dark Warrior model Mel V, the final and most powerful homunculus in The Melanie Series. You may call me Melanie Five."

I grabbed my wand.

"To me, you're just Angel Bitch." I said.

She nodded.

"Call me what you like. My purpose is to eliminate both of you while Master does his work."

She said this all with that pure and serene smile, like she was always relaxed. I just wanted to punch that smile right off of her stupid face.

I heard a loud scream coming from Quirrell's office. Angel Bitch turned to Melanie.

"I see you're here too, Melanie Four. Your devotion has wavered. Master says that he will forgive you if you just promise to return to him and let him repair your mind. You can be saved, Melanie Four. You are not beyond redemption."

Melanie raised her middle finger at Angel Bitch.

"Fuck off. I'm done with Darius and he isn't my master."

Angel Bitch closed her eyes.

"Very well, then. I am forced to destroy both of you."

"I'd like to see you try." I snorted.

Angel Bitch opened her eyes, and blasted some kind of magic beam at us. We both jumped out of the way. The fight had started.

I waved my wand at Angel Bitch and cast a spell.

"Incendio!"

A burst of fire spewed forth. Angel Bitch flew back to avoid it and closed her eyes again.

"Melanie Beam!"

I jumped out of the way again and turned to Melanie Four.

"Can you do that?"

"Do what?" She said.

"That thing with your eyes! Kill her with it!" I said.

Angel Bitch cut in with an arrogant laugh.

"I'm a far more advanced Melanie model than your friend. I was built with more spells and my body is more durable."

The runes on her halo glowed.

"Melanie Speed."

She disappeared in a burst of wind. I had no idea where she went.

I turned to Melanie.

"See if you can find her. I'll save Quirrell." I said.

Melanie nodded.

"Right."

I started toward the door, until I felt something knock me down. In less than a second, Angel Bitch tackled me to the ground. She grabbed my neck with her hand and started choking me. She still had that serene smile on her face. I tried to pry her off of me, but she was too strong.

"Death is a beautiful thing, Sarah. You should not try to fight it." She said.

I tried to stab my wand into her eye like a shiv, but I couldn't reach far enough. I thought I was going to die there, until Melanie jumped on top of Angel Bitch.

"Get off of her!"

Melanie helped me up and stared down Angel Bitch.

"It is impossible for you to defeat me. There is no use in fighting me, Melanie Four." She said.

"No. I am going to kill you. You're no different than any of my other sisters."

"Go ahead, then. Hit me with your Melanie Blast. Or better yet, self-destruct. Use your most powerful attack on me."Angel Bitch said, keeping her cool demeanor.

Melanie paused.

"I'm waiting." Angel Bitch said.

Melanie held out her hand.

"Melanie Blast!" A ball of magic energy flew from her hand. When it got close to Angel Bitch, an invisible shield around her absorbed it. Melanie turned to me.

"Shit, she's got the same shield Darius has. My magic won't work on her."

Angel Bitch started to flap her tiny wings.

"My turn."

I wasn't sure how, but her wings started to produce winds.

"Melanie Cyclone."

The winds started turning. I had problems keeping my footing. The air grew cold, like an icy winter squall. Debris flew in the winds and tore at our skin and clothes. I reached for my wand to cast a spell, until a piece of debris knocked it out of my hand. Melanie tried to run toward Angel Bitch, until the winds grew stronger. She fell down, so I had to grab her by the hand.

"I've got you, Melanie." I said.

I tried to lift her back up, until Angel Bitch fired her eye beams again. The explosion knocked me through the air and against a wall.

The winds stopped. I tried to get up, but I was in a lot of pain. I saw Melanie with a chunk of rock lodged into her tummy. She pulled it off of her and cast a spell.

"Melanie Healing!"

We were both healed. I turned to my enemy.

"Give it up, Angel Bitch. You can't stop us." I said.

"Really? There is a finite amount of energy in both of you. You're bound to run out eventually."

I clenched my fist.

"No! My power is unlimited and I am going to kick your ass!"

I ran up to Angel Bitch to attack her, but her halo glowed again.

"Melanie Speed."

She darted out of the way and I ended up punching air. She appeared behind me and grabbed me by the arm. She twisted it to keep me still. I could hear magic energy charging in her eyes.

"You fought well, Sarah." She said.

Before she could fire, Melanie tackled her. She slammed her fist into Angel Bitch's face. Angel Bitch tried to counter.

"Melanie Beam."

My friend was too fast.

"Melanie Shield!" The glowing red shield took the hit instead and I joined Melanie in finishing off Angel Bitch.

I grabbed Angel Bitch by the neck.

"Melanie…"

I shoved my hand down her throat.

"Shut up!"

She tried to bite down on my arm, but I held on and pulled on her tongue like I did with Melanie One. It came out clean.

"Right. Let's finish this." Melanie said.

I nodded. We both started to squeeze down on Angel Bitch's neck, until we heard a voice from behind us.

"Melanie Regeneration."

I turned around and saw it, her second mouth. Angel Bitch had an extra mouth where her vagina would be that she had kept shut the whole time. Her body started to reconstruct. Melanie jammed her fist into Angel Bitch's mouthgina. She smiled at her creative way to silence Angel Bitch. I had to laugh.

"Do you think you could do that for me someday?"

"Maybe. We should be more concerned with Darius. He's after Quirrell." Melanie said.

I looked at Angel Bitch. She wasn't dead, but she was still unable to fight.

"I'll hold her down. You go in and fight Darius." Melanie said.

"Are you sure?" I said.

"Positive. I've got this under control." Melanie said.

"Right."

I started toward Quirrell's office.

"Oh, Sarah." Melanie said.

She tossed me my wand.

"Come back alive, okay?"

"I will. Thanks." I said.


	18. It is said that playing God is a game

Chapter 18

It is said that playing God is just a game.

I burst into Professor Quirrell's office and saw Darius casting Raptum Mentis, the mind rape spell. Quirrell's screams were horrific, like a chorus of more than one man screaming in horror. Darius spoke to himself.

"Yes. I'll kill that fucking snake first. That's how I'll do it. That's…"

He noticed me and lifted the spell.

"Oh, Sarah. I didn't think I'd see you here." He said.

"I'll give you three seconds to tell me why I shouldn't kill you." I said.

Darius pulled out his wand. It was poorly repaired, but it seemed to still work.

"Raptum Mentis!"

I felt my body go limp and I entered the inside of my mind again. I heard a voice in my head. It sounded just like me.

"Hello, Sarah. It's me again."

I saw myself in front of me. I laughed.

"Real original, Darius. Mind raping me the same way twice? You're fucking pathetic." I said.

The other me grabbed me by my arm.

"I'm your limitations, Sarah. I'm what's keeping you from achieving your full potential."

She started to squeeze my arm like a cobra, until I slugged her in the face.

"Take that, limitations! And fuck you!"

I always wanted to punch out an abstract concept. Now was my chance!

I dove at my limitations and beat her senseless. She didn't stand a chance. I kept pummeling her with my fists and watched as her blood spurt out from her head, her neck, and her solar plexus. By the time it was all over, she didn't look like a human anymore. She looked like a pile of meat, bones, and cherry pie filling.

All that was left was trying to get out of my mind. I heard Darius' voice.

"You've grown a lot stronger since I last saw you, Sarah. However, you are still trapped!"

I felt gravity push me down. My body felt like it could crumple up as though it were a used tissue. I tried to get up, but I felt pinned to the ground.

"You're going to die here. I'm going to kill you in your sleep and then rape your corpse! Oh yeah… Your body would be so much sexier lifeless and dead!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" I shouted.

I used all the strength in my mind to stand up. Against the gravity, against Darius' will, and against everything, I stood up. I stood up and saw a light.

"My vision was returning. I could see Darius in front of me with his magic wand.

"Avada Kada…" I interrupted him with my fist.

"Shut up!"

He fell down on his back. I grabbed his wand and broke it again.

I grabbed Darius by the collar and put on a sadistic grin. He panicked.

"Please, have mercy. I fathered your girlfriend. I can change! I …"

I started to wave my wand, but tossed it away.

"No. I can't kill you with magic. That wouldn't be right." I said.

Darius gasped a sigh of relief.

"Oh, sweet merciful Sarah, thank you for sparing me!" He said.

I slugged him in the face.

"Who said I'm sparing you? You've been out for my blood ever since you found out about me. I can't let you live."

I grabbed him by the neck. He started to choke. His face changed colors.

"Killing you with magic would be wrong, Darius. My own two hands though… That's the right way to do it."

I squeezed his neck and heard a pop. I kept squeezing. Blood dripped from his eyes and his mouth. His body fell limp. I had killed him.

I set Darius' body down and thought about what I had just done. I killed him. Sure, I killed Melanie's sisters too, but they were homunculi. This was a human, someone who was not created with a fixed purpose. It was kind of sad that I had to kill him, but at the same time. He was an evil, disgusting man. He was cruel, murderous, cared nothing for his own daughters, and had a weird fixation on making them take off their clothes whenever he was around them. Also, that mind rape stuff freaked me the fuck out. Seeing his body lying there, mostly intact pissed me off a little. I started to cast a fire spell to burn his remains. Before I could finish, Quirrell spoke up. He was standing and was in awe of what I had just done.

"You… You killed him."

"So? It was to protect you. You'd kill him too. I'm sure everyone would.

Quirrell nodded.

"He was an insane fool."

Before we could say anything else, I heard a blast. Melanie burst through the wall with smoke coming from her body. Her clothes had been burnt off from the attack. I ran to her.

"Melanie, are you okay?" I said.

She got up and healed herself.

"She bit me with her mouthgina and I had to pull out."

Angel Bitch walked through the hole that she blew through the wall and saw Darius' corpse.

"Master?" She said.

She kneeled down and tried to wake him up.

"Master? Wake up, Master. Please. Wake up." She said.

I finally saw that serene smile of her break. She started to cry tears of fury and turned to us.

"You're all going to pay. Every last one of you. Melanie Doom."

With those words, hundreds of balls of magic energy shot from Angel Bitch's body. I felt many of them explode into me and knocked me down. They punched holes in my flesh. It hurt like hell, like being assaulted by burning rabid golf balls. I saw Quirrell beaten by them as well. Melanie fought through the pain and cast her spell.

"Melanie Shield!"

I dragged Quirrell behind the shield and hid with Melanie. The magic balls pelted the shield. It could not hold up for very long. Angel Bitch screamed with tears in her eyes.

"Nothing can stop me! We're all going to die! You, me, that fucking professor, everyone!"

Quirrell turned to me. He spoke in a weak voice.

"I… I can help you, Sarah. She can't kill me. I can get up to her and try to control her."

"How do you know she can't kill you? You look fucking hurt to me!" I said.

"No… Just trust me, I'm not going to die here. Not today, and hopefully not ever. Get me close to her and I can use a curse, an unforgivable curse to try to control her mind." Quirrell said.

Melanie gasped.

"But the ministry will flip!"

"Who cares what a bunch of fucking geezers think! Our lives are on the line! We have to do something!" The professor said.

I had never seen him like this before. Normally he would be panicking or stumbling, but he had an air of strength and leadership about him now. It was really cool! I turned to Quirrell.

"You're brave, Professor Quirrell. I believe in you."

Melanie smiled.

"I believe in you too. Get in there and save us all!"

Quirrell stood up.

"Part of me is in pain…" He said to himself.

He walked past the shield.

"…But then, part of me is also still human."

He was pelted by Angel Bitch's storm of magic, but kept his footing. He waved his wand.

"Imperio!"

In a flash of light, Angel Bitch froze. Her attack stopped and we could see her body glowing. It looked like a nuclear reactor, ready to meltdown at any second. She spoke with her mouthgina.

"You think you can contain me? I am stronger than magic. I am a dark warrior, forbidden alchenmy! I am a god to you!"

Quirrell focused, trying to contain her.

"She's strong. She may end up breaking the curse on her own." He said.

There was genuine fear in his words. Melanie turned to me.

"Sarah, you can break her shield so I can blast her. It should finish her off."

"What do I need to do?" I asked.

Quirrell shouted in agony as he tried to contain her.

"Hit her with a magic attack! It will crush her resistance!"

I wanted to beat up Angel Bitch with my fists, but her body was producing a neon orange glow. If I punched her, I could end up burning my fist into her flesh. Wait… Burning! I could burn her! That would be fun! I waved my wand.

"Incendio!

Fire poured out of my wand like a flame-thrower. I moved closer to Angel Bitch with a sadistic grin on my face.

"Let's cook!"

She screamed from both mouths as I engulfed her body in fire. I heard a shatter. Her shield must have been destroyed. I jumped away and turned to Melanie.

"Now!" I said.

She extended her hand.

"Melanie Blast!"

She fired a ball of energy so powerful that it caused smoke to appear in its wake. The energy ball hit Angel Bitch's head. It exploded into a shower of gore, along with the rest of her body. Nothing could regenerate from that.

Quirrell lowered his wand. He started to fall, but I caught him.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I said.

"I'm fine. Just… Thanks for saving me. You two are the best." Quirrell said.

"Indeed you are."

I heard a voice call out to us from the distance. It was Dumbledore, who had arrived too fucking late. He could have helped us a whole lot if he had gotten here earlier.

"I apologize for my tardiness. I am an old man you see, and I am not as mobile as I once was."

Dumbledore looked at both Melanie and I. My clothes were in shreds and had several burns on them from Angel Bitch's attempted suicide attack. Most importantly, Melanie was naked, meaning that Dumbledore could see her lack of nipples.

"Is that normal?" He said.

"Keep staring, gramps. It's real classy." I said.

Dumbledore laughed.

"Oh, heavens no. I'm not attracted to either of you, not in the slightest. No, I'm interested because your friend, Melanie, appears to be a homunculus. The making of homunculi are considered forbidden alchemy. That's what truly interests me."

Dumbledore led us to his office and closed the door behind us.

"Now, before you accuse me of being a dirty old man again, let me tell you this: The Ministry of Magic will have you dismantled immediately if they found out about you." He pointed to Melanie as he said this.

"You wouldn't do that, would you?" Melanie said.

"You'd better not." I said, clenching my fist.

Dumbledore laughed.

"Oh, you two girls are so cute together. I'd never want to tear you apart." He said.

He reached into a closet and grabbed a tiny shirt for Melanie.

"Here, you can put this on until you get back to your room. Just give it back later. I'm saving it for a house elf."

"Oh. Okay, Professor Dumbledore." Melanie said.

She squeezed herself into the shirt and just barely fit. It looked like her tits could explode out of it at any moment. I kind of wished that I could take a picture of it.

Dumbeldore sat down and sighed.

"You know, I really do believe in love. Love is love, no matter who it's between. It's a beautiful thing that the world could use more of."

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Thanks?"

He droned on again.

"You know, there isn't a Mrs. Dumbledore for a reason. I used to have someone very close to me. That someone is unfortunately, not here with us today."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said.

"Me too." Melanie said.

Dumbledore smiled.

"Don't be. I'll be fine and you two will too. Just try to keep it a secret in front of The Ministry. Don't go around showing everyone your chest."

"I'll remember that. Thanks." Melanie said.

"Good, good. You are dismissed." He said.

We started to leave.

"Oh, and one more thing." He said. We turned around.

"Thank you for saving the school. Thank you, both of you."

Once we left Dumbledore's office, I diverted my attention to Melanie's chest. It looked real sexy in that tiny elf-sized shirt. I wanted to see it rupture and watch her boobs explode out of it. I…

"Sarah?" She said.

"Oh. Yes?"

"Are you staring at my bosoms?"

"I…"

I had to tell the truth. I put on an embarrassed smile.

"…Yes. Yes, I am."

She smiled at me.

"You can see more later, maybe if Alice isn't around." She said.

"Right. Let's get into some new clothes first, ones that aren't covered in burns and holes." I said.

"Cool. I'll meet you in your room."

"You know the secret knock, the one that won't douse you in vinegar?" I said.

"Memorized it."

We parted ways and went back to our respective dorms.

We slept together that night. I don't think we did anything because Alice was there, but we were in the same bed. It felt good to sleep with Melanie. I don't think we ever felt closer at that moment. There was nothing between us anymore. Her father was dead, Angel Bitch was dead, and Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwart's, decided to not have her dismantled. Life was good.


	19. It isn't

Chapter 19

It isn't.

It had been a few days since we put down Darius and Angel Bitch. I was in my room with Melanie. We were studying together for a quiz Snape was going to give us tomorrow. I wasn't really into it, but Melanie kept insisting that I think about making my grades better.

"Okay, what goes into a strength potion?" Melanie said.

I honestly didn't know.

"Steroids?"

Melanie groaned.

"Sarah, you have to know this one. You might need super strength someday."

"Why? I'm already strong. Magic strength potion is like steroids. It's just a lie compared to your true strength!"

I pretended like I was flexing my muscles.

"Sarah, you're not as strong as you think. Just because you won a few fights and killed an old man doesn't mean you're Joan of Arc."

"I am strong, stronger than Joan of Fucking Arc, anyway." I said.

"I know, but sometimes you might not be strong enough."

"Screw the limitations! I am all powerful!"

I calmed down and tried to think.

"Right. Strength potion. I think the active ingredient is womping willow leaves."

Melanie shook her head.

"Not even close."

"What? But womping willows are strong! Wouldn't their leave make you strong too?"

"You're way off." She said.

I snorted.

"Whatever. If I need a boost in strength, I'll just take off my shirt. That always makes me stronger." I said with a smile.

"I'd rather you take it off for reasons other than fighting." Melanie said.

She moved in close to kiss me.

That was more like it! I moved my mind from studying to Melanie's soft lips. She started to reach down my skirt into my panties until I heard someone come in.

"Sarah, you would not believe how much…"

It was Alice. She walked right in on us, about to get sexy. Words could not describe how awkward this was.

"Hi, Sarah. Hi, Melanie." She said.

"Hi, Alice." Melanie said. She moved her hand away from my panties.

"So… how have you been doing?" Alice said.

I smiled.

"We were about to fuck until you showed up."

"Oh. Pardon me. I'll be on my way." Alice said.

"No, you can stay. Did you need anything?" I said.

"No, not really. I guess I'm just a little bit worried, that's all." Alice said.

"About what?" I said.

"Nothing. Resume your… Whatever you call what you do."

She left us.

I smiled and turned back to Melanie.

"Now, where were we?" I said as I reached for my panties.

Melanie gave me a look.

"Sarah, I think she's feeling troubled. We should go help her."

I pulled my hand out of my skirt.

"Really? Well… Okay. I guess we can get back to this later." I said.

Melanie smiled.

"Good. Let's go."

We walked out the door and went to find Alice.

Alice wasn't far. She was in a hallway, heading toward the commons. I caught up with her.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I said.

"Oh, it's just… I got a scary message from Zack the other day. First he hasn't been showing up for school and now this… I don't know."

"Let's see it." Melanie said.

Alice reached into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. It looked crumpled up and had a drawing of a skull on it.

"Dear Alice, You hurt me. You hurt me bad, but it's not your fault. No, it's not your fault. It's not my dad's fault. It's not my brother's fault. It's not any fucking professor's fault. It's my fault. I did this to me. I let them hurt me. I let them walk all over me. I let you hurt me. I just hurt so much. I wish I could make the pain go away."

I turned up from the letter.

"This is getting weird. You might have to talk to him." I said.

"I would, except I can't find him. He's disappeared since spring break." Alice said.

I turned back to the letter.

"I know what I must do. I know what I desire. I used to think that what I wanted in life was to escape. I'd read books, watch TV, overeat, masturbate, and do just about everything I could to escape reality. I'm done running. I'm done running from who I truly am. It's time for me to come home and show everyone who I am underneath everything. Alice, I'm coming home. Your Ex, Zack."

At the bottom of the page, there was what appeared to be more, but it was scratched out.

Melanie and I turned back to Alice. She looked like she was about to cry. Melanie leaned in to hug her.

"Everything's okay, Alice. We're here for you."

I hugged her too.

"You have nothing to worry about with us around." I added.

Alice smiled.

"Thanks. You two are the best." She said.

She crumpled the letter back into her purse.

"I need to go. I have some… um... business. I'll see you two later." She said.

I waved.

"Later, Alice."

Bye, Alice." Melanie said.

I turned back to Melanie.

"So, potions. How about those? Do you want to keep studying them?" I said.

Melanie gave me a devious smile. I wasn't used to seeing her like this. Was I rubbing off on her?

"We can study later." She said.

I held hands with her and walked back to our room. I don't think we got any studying done that day.

The next day, I was at lunch with Melanie, Terry, and Alice. We were all done eating and discussing what we were going to do about Snape's quiz. All three of my friends stared at me.

"Okay, Sarah. We all know this one. What is the active ingredient in strength potion?" Terry said.

I tried to think, but panicked.

"It's… Wormstiffer!" I laughed.

"Be serious, Sarah. We don't want to see you fail." Melanie said.

As we sat and talked, the lunchroom's door opened up. It was Zack. He had a gym bag with him. He wasn't dressed in his uniform either. He was wearing what appeared to be gym clothes.

"Zack, where were you?" Alice said.

"You've been gone for days. What's up?" Terry said.

Zack put on a smile.

"You guys, I know you like to think that you care about me. You like to act like you understand me, but you don't. All you do is hurt me."

"Zack, I'm sorry I broke up with you like that. I…"

He interrupted Alice.

"No. I've learned something over spring break. It's that no one truly loves me. My family doesn't love me. My friends don't love me. God doesn't love me. I don't even love me."

"Zack, what are you talking about? Maybe we don't get along, but I love you as a friend." I said.

"Bullshit, Sarah. Remember that time when I needed you most and you just ignored me? Remember, right after I left that god damn dance? That's how much you love me."

I held my head.

"That's okay, all of you. I can forgive you." Zack said.

Terry tried to change the mood of the situation.

"Well, have a seat, Zack. We're studying. Care to join us?"

Instead of sitting down, Zack unzipped his gym bag.

"I've got something wicked cool to show you guys."

He pulled out a gun. I was impressed.

"Whoa, aren't those illegal? Where did you get that?" I said.

"My parents got it one their trip to The US. It's a TEC-9 submachine gun, the same kind that they use on that American cop show, Miami Vice."

Melanie had a worried look on her face. She whispered in my ear.

"Isn't he a little unstable to be carrying a gun?"

Zack continued.

"This is the ultimate in muggle technology, a machine so great that it can turn any man into the god of death. You don't need to memorize any spells or wave your wand. All you have to do is point and shoot."

He was starting to scare me too.

"Right. Care to put the gun away?" I said.

He turned to me.

"Why? I haven't even used it yet."

"Real funny, Zack. Now put it away." Alice said.

"Oh, no. I have to redeem you in my eyes, Alice. The only way…"

He fired straight into Alice, blasting huge holes in her torso. She fell down, bleeding.

"…is death."

Once Alice was dead, there was panic. Melanie grabbed Terry and I. We ran away and tried to find someplace safe, but the crowds were thick. I heard Zack screaming as he randomly shot people.

"Get back here, Terry! You're next!"

We dashed through the halls and into an empty classroom. I heard more gunfire. Terry turned to us.

"We may be able to go out the window." He said.

"Right. I'll break it open." I said.

I grabbed a crystal ball that was sitting on someone's desk and smashed it through one of the windows. I cleared the broken glass away. Melanie took me by the hand.

"Let's hurry. He could be…"

She spoke too soon. Zack shot the door's lock and opened it.

"Terry, you were my mate! I used to smoke with you!" Zack said.

"Put the gun down, Zack."

"I can't do that."

He pointed his gun around Terry and sprayed bullets all over the classroom. I tried to duck and cover, but I was too slow. Luckily, Melanie was with me.

"Melanie Shield!"

A red barrier formed in front of it. The bullets cracked it right where my head would have been. Pieces of the shield fell apart. I knew that Melanie's shield was strong, but I didn't know if it could stand up to bullets. I lifted myself through the window, but my shoe ended up getting stuck.

"Damn it all!" I shouted.

I tried to get my shoe off, but it was no use. I had tied my fucking laces too tight.

Terry tried to push Zack away.

"I'm not letting you kill them, not until you go through me!" He shouted.

Zack tried to aim toward me. I was a sitting duck up on the window.

"Bye-bye, bitch!"

Zack fired his gun. I braced myself for death, until Terry pushed himself into the way. Chunks of his body exploded off of him. He fell down, dead.

I finally managed to get my shoe off and fell out the window.

"Bloody hell!"

I landed on my arm. I wasn't sure if I broke it, but it fucking hurt. Melanie climbed out after me and had a far more graceful landing. She helped me up and we started to run. Before we could get too far away, I heard Melanie scream. She fell down and there was blood dripping from her back.

"Sarah… I can heal myself… I think. Protect me." She said.

I turned around and saw Zack. He had a grin on his face and tears in his eyes.

"You! You fucking cocksucker!" I shouted.

I could feel tears of rage welling up. Zack let out a cynical laugh.

"You know, I used to masturbate to the thought of you two, you know that? I'd wank it for hours, just thinking of all the dirty things you do to each other."

He paused to wipe away his tears.

"Oh yeah, those were more innocent times, back when I'd spank it for hours on end just to keep the pain away."

He was fucking insane. I got out my wand.

"Okay, asshole! Let's go! You, me, and whatever you got! You aren't killing Melanie, not while I still stand!"

"Right. I'll shoot you just like I did everyone else. Let's boogie."

Zack sprayed bullets at me. I tried to run, but one of them grazed my arm. I cast a spell.

"Incendio!" Fire spewed from my wand and into the storm of bullets. The heat from the fire caused them to burst before they could hit me. Before Zack could fire again, I lunged at him and slammed my fist into his face. He dropped his gun. I tried to grab it, until Zack pulled a switchblade from his pocket. He sliced me across the stomach with it and picked up his gun. He pointed it straight at my head.

"Sarah, you abandoned me! Remember back at the dance, back when I needed you most? You weren't there for me! You were never there, you fucking bitch! I'll never forgive you!"

I tried to get up, but he slammed his gun into my face and knocked me down again.

"Any last words?" He said.

I heard a voice from behind me.

"Melanie Blast!"

A burst of energy shot Zack. He was knocked to the ground. I got back up and saw Melanie. She was bleeding profusely.

"Melanie, are you okay?" I said.

"No, I'm not. I'm full of bullets. I can heal, but I can't get them out." She said.

Zack got back up.

"Right. I'll kill both of you. Two dead bitches, coming right up!" He said.

He fired at us.

"Melanie Shield!"

The red barrier formed in front of us. The spray of bullets cracked it. We started to run, until Zack fired again.

"There's more where that came from!"

He sprayed bullets from his gun, piercing the barrier. Melanie was shot many times. She screamed and fell down. I saw holes all over her torso.

"Melanie!" I said.

Zack laughed like a bastard.

"You! I am going to kill you!" I said.

"Why bother? I'm already dead. I was dead to the world the moment you all turned your backs on me."

He fired. I screamed. I ran at him, straight into his hail of gunfire. I was very lucky that I wasn't shot. I kicked him straight in the face. He tried to fire again, but nothing came out. He was out of bullets!

I grabbed Zack by the hair and lifted him.

"You fucker. I am going to take a lot of joy in ripping your fucking head off."

Zack gave me another smile. He pulled his switchblade from his pocket and tried to slash at me. I dropped him and jumped away.

"Oh, Sarah. I knew you'd be tough. You've got that fighting spirit in you, the kind that never gives up, even when you know you'll lose. I wish I could be as optimistic as you."

He tried to stab me with his switchblade. I jumped out of the way and gave him an uppercut. I tried to follow it up with a straight punch, but he parried and sliced me across the tummy and jumped away. He stared at me with a demented smile.

I pulled out my wand and tried to disarm him.

"Expelliarmus!"

He jumped out of the way of my spell.

"The time for magical bullshit is over!" Zack shouted.

He lunged at me and smashed my wand to splinters. I dropped it and jumped out of the way before he could slice apart my throat. He stared at me again with that demented grin.

"I always thought it was real hot how you took off your shirt when you fought people, Sarah. Why don't you take it off for me? I promise I'll spare you if you do."

I gave him the middle finger.

"Fuck off!"

"Really? Well, maybe I'll just have to tear it off of you myself! Maybe while I'm at it, I'll rip off your skin too!"

Zack tried to stab me with his switchblade again, but I was ready this time. I stepped out of the way and grabbed him by the wrist. I twisted it and he dropped his weapon. Once he was disarmed, I grabbed him by the head and slammed my knee into his skull. He fell down and was bleeding from his forehead.

I started to see broomsticks in the distance. It was The Department of Magical Law Enforcement arriving on the scene. I turned to Zack.

"They're going to take you away, probably to Azkaban." I said.

Zack grabbed his switchblade.

"Well, fuck that. I went into this to die and take you all with me."

He pointed his blade at his neck.

"Wait, Zack…"

"Goodbye, bitches!" He shouted with tears in his eyes.

He drove his switchblade into his throat and died right in front of me. I kind of felt sorry for him. He was insane and he sounded like he really did have some problems. This wasn't the best way that he could have dealt with any of it.

I turned to Melanie. She was trying to heal herself, but it was too weak.

"Melanie Healing."

Her bullet wounds wouldn't heal.

"Come on, Melanie Healing." She cried.

Her magic was useless. She turned to me with tears in her eyes.

"I… I think I'm dying." She said.

"Don't say that. Don't you fucking say that. You're going to live."

Melanie shook her head.

"My systems are damaged beyond repair."

"I'll just restart you, just like before! I know I can!"

"That's not going to work." Melanie said.

"No it will! I know it will!"

I pulled Melanie's shirt off and tore apart her bra. I opened up her chest and saw that golden orb, her mind. There were bullet holes around it. Her mind was slowing down. She closed herself up and tried to hug me. She was too weak and fell down. I helped her up.

Melanie buried her face into my chest and cried.

"I… I'm so sorry, Sarah. I don't want to leave you. I really don't."

I clutched her tight.

"You aren't going to die, not with me." I said.

She slipped. I tried to lift and carry her. She felt weak and her blood was flowing all over me.

"Where are you taking me?" She said.

"The hospital. I'm going to get you to the police and they'll take you there."

"That's impossible. I'm going to die before we get there." Melanie said.

"I'll do anything just to save you. If it's impossible, I'll make it possible." I said.

I tried to smile.

"We'll be okay. Nothing can stop me. I have no limitations."

I felt tears roll down my face.

"Are… Are you crying?" Melanie said.

"I'm not crying. I'm too tough to cry." That was a fucking lie.

Melanie reached out her hand to touch my face. It was cold and weak.

"Sarah, I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what."

Those were her last words. She died there, bloodied and in my arms. There was nothing I could do.


	20. The Last Tears We Cry

Chapter 20

The Last Tears We Cry

It had been a while since the shooting. Six students had died. Around twenty were wounded. Vigils were held for the dead ones. Dumbledore gave speeches about how Hogwarts was hurt, but not broken. Students made elaborate memorials. I didn't care about any of it. I felt like my life was in pieces. Everyone I knew was dead and Melanie, the girl I loved, died right in my arms. Just like Trelawney's fucking prophecy. Fuck prophecies, fuck the future, fuck all of it.

I thought about suicide once, but decided that I was too strong for that. Suicide is for cowards. I prayed, even though I didn't go to church and barely ever thought about religion. It didn't help. I also considered moving on and maybe finding another girl. The problem was that there weren't any other lesbians at Hogwart's. I felt alone, more alone than I had ever felt in my entire life.

I was in my dorm room. It was a lot emptier than usual. Alice's parents came in to clean all her stuff out at some point. I don't even remember when. Since Melanie didn't have any parents, I ended up with her stuff. It was mostly books and school related stuff, except for one very special thing that was hers. It was her mind, that glowing golden ball of energy that had everything about her. It had her memories, our best times together. It had her personality, her love of science fiction books, Quidditch games, and diligent study practices. Most of all, it had love in it. She still loved me, even though she was dead. That love would forever be sealed inside of her mind.

I thought about destroying it at one point as a way of moving on, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I still loved her. I would always love her. I wasn't sure if I could ever stop. Some days, I would just stare at her mind, just wishing that I could get it into someone. Then I would have her back. …Except that wasn't going to fucking happen. Darius was the one who knew everything about homunculi and I killed him. I started to regret that.

While I moped in my room, I heard a knock on my door. I opened it up and saw Professor Quirrell, smiling right at me.

"Could I come in, Sarah?" He said.

"Sure. Come on in."

He sat down on a chair and I sat on my bed.

"What did you want to see me about, Professor?"

"I wanted to show you someone very special, Sarah. He really cares for you and it pains him to see you so sad."

"Oh. Who is it?" I said.

"It's a secret. I'm going to have to wipe your memory after this is over." Quirrell said.

"You don't have to. I can keep a secret." I said.

"That's not a risk I can take." A voice said.

I wasn't sure where it was coming from.

"Who said that?" I said.

"Well, I guess you're ready to meet him." Quirrell said.

Professor Quirrell removed his turban and revealed a second face growing out of his head. It looked old and frail.

"Sarah Salamandrus, I want you to meet my master, Mr. Riddle."

Mr. Riddle turned to me. I was a little scared, but he seemed friendly. He smiled.

"Hello, Sarah. I hear you're a nice pure blooded girl. I thank you for saving me back in my office."

"Oh. Thank you. I… I guess I'm just glad we're all alive alive. …I guess."

"You saved me from death back there and I thought that I could repay you in some way."

I shook my head.

"You don't have to. I…"

Mr. Riddle cut in.

"Don't be polite. I worked very hard on this and I'm not going to come this far only for you to turn it down."

His words were sharp. I had a feeling that being on Mr. Riddle's bad side was very dangerous. I didn't want to have to take crap from him, but he was trying to be nice to me, after all.

Quirrell moved in close to me so that Mr. Riddle could speak quietly.

"I studied Darius' forbidden alchemy. I made a homunculus."

"What? But… Doesn't The Ministry of Magic hate that?" I said.

Mr. Riddle smiled.

"They're a bunch of blind idiots. They won't know."

Quirrell waved his wand and opened up a dark portal. It was the same kind that Darius used.

"You know, Darius used to study under me." Quirrell said.

"I know. He was such a good man before he turned traitor." Mr. Riddle said.

Quirrell turned to my jar with Melanie's mind in it.

"I'll need this." Mr. Riddle said.

That was when I realized what he had done. I felt so happy that I could cry.

"You… You're really going to bring her back?" I said.

Mr. Riddle smiled.

"Death is said to be a limitation in life, Miss Salamandrus. I've died before and I intend to come back again if I die again. Like you, I want to rise above my limitations and become a better man. We're not so different, are we?"

As scary as Mr. Riddle was, he seemed like a nice person. Sure, he was a little strange and he did seem obsessed with purity at times, but everyone has their eccentricities.

Quirrell took me through the portal and led me into a dark laboratory. I saw a Melanie body in front of me, completely naked on a table. It looked exactly like how I remembered her, except she was anatomically correct. I felt overcome with emotion upon seeing this that I had to cry.

"You… You did this? For me?" I said.

"I made a few improvements if you haven't noticed. Do you like it?"

"I… I love it. Thank you, Mr. Riddle. Thank you, Professor Quirrell."

They both smiled. Quirrell took Melanie's mind out of the jar and opened up her chest. He inserted her mind and it began spinning. Melanie began to come to life right before my eyes.

Quirrell raised his wand again.

"You know you have to forget that this happened, right?" He said.

"No, I need to remember this. I need to thank you for everything you've done for me." I said.

"You can thank us by living your life to the fullest. Show us what you can truly do with your life. Shape your world how you see it instead of letting the world shape you." Mr. Riddle said.

"Also, we put a lot of work and care into building her and we don't want it to go to waste. Love her with all of your heart, without holding back, and treasure every moment with her." Quirrell added.

"I will. Thank you."

He waved his wand.

"Obliviate."

Lkthfghukolyut… waaaaaaaaaaaaa lklklklklklkl

Kilorftopjuyheuyiu

I don't

Know

What I should

Be

Thinkinginginginginginginginginginging

My head hurts.

I was in my dorm room. It was a lot emptier than usual. Alice's parents came in to clean all her stuff out at some point. I don't even remember when. Since Melanie didn't have any parents, I ended up with her stuff. It was mostly books and school related stuff, except for one very special thing that was hers. It was her mind, that glowing golden ball of energy that had everything about her. It had her memories, our best times together. It had her personality, her love of science fiction books, Quidditch games, and diligent study practices. Most of all, it had love in it. She still loved me, even though she was dead. That love would forever be sealed inside of her mind.

I turned to the jar that I kept Melanie's mind in and noticed that it was gone. My heart sank. Somebody must have taken it. Some poor fucker that was going to die! I turned around to leave until I saw something that astounded me. It was Melanie. She was lying on Alice's old bed, completely naked, and asleep. She was breathing, so she had to be alive. I shook her.

"Melanie, wake up."

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Oh. Good morning, Sarah."

I smiled and started to cry.

"It's not morning. It's eleven at night."

I helped her out of bed and hugged her.

"Well, I was close, wasn't I?"

Once Melanie got out of bed, she noticed her new body.

"Oh. Oh my. I don't think I had a hole there before."

"It doesn't matter how many holes you have. I'll still love you." I said.

We kissed for a while, savoring every moment of it. Once we were done, I sat down next to her.

"So, how did you get here?" I asked.

Melanie smiled and shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess somebody up there likes me."

I shook my head.

"Sirens of Titan. You got it from there."

"I never did finish that one." Melanie said with a smile.

I didn't know where my life was going to go from there, but I don't think it mattered. I thought about where my life was going to go. I knew that there would be some high points and some low ones. I wasn't afraid of the future, though. I was excited for it. As long as Melanie was with me, everything would be okay.

Thank you for reading my story.

_Fin_


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